


Red

by Ashitawo



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment, NewS (Band)
Genre: Also expected violence for a yakuza au but it’s not super detailed, Angst with a Happy Ending, Found Family, M/M, Yakuza
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2019-09-28 19:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 42,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17189240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashitawo/pseuds/Ashitawo
Summary: Red is the color of extremes. It’s the color of passionate love, anger, violence, it's also the color which Sho's entire life could be summed up with. Sho's past is bloody and his future promises much of the same but when he meets a boy, he wishes for a brief moment he could put everything behind him, but he has people to save and house to destroy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [newsnoai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/newsnoai/gifts).



> So this became a monster, because I am physically unable to write anything short. 
> 
> For Sondos, happy birthday! Welcome to your 20s!! <3 <3 <3 <3

For as long as Sho could remember, his color of choice was red. He absolutely loved it. It filled his heart up nice and warm. His eyes were always immediately drawn to it. So when Sho, age 24, from Minato, walked into the library located on the fine arts campus of Mitaka University, his eyes immediately drifted to a boy with a head full of red, red hair. Suddenly, it was like Sho forgot everything about himself. He forgot why he had even walked across his campus, hitched a ride on the bus, and then walked across this campus where he most definitely did not belong. Suddenly, nothing mattered but the boy with the red hair.

It became a _thing_ , something Sho desperately would not call stalking. It wasn’t that he was actively looking for the red headed boy, he just appeared in front of him. They only made eye contact once and the boy had smiled. Sho felt like he was seeing the sun for the first time. The boy walked past him and Sho had to fight the urge to turn towards him like a sunflower.

“Stop calling him the boy, first of all. It sounds like you’re talking about a high school kid.” Jun said once while they were drinking. Sho scowled. “Second of all, I don’t know maybe talk to him?”

“Oh, and what would I say? Oh hey, you’re really cute and I love your hair because it’s my favorite color. Do you want to, I don’t know, make out sometime?” Sho sighed. It was the most ridiculous thing to be stressing out about. “I don’t even know his name! I don't know anything about him other than he’s cute, has a nice smile, and has red hair. What if he's actually the worst human on the planet?” At that Jun shot him a look. Sho broke eye contact. He knew that look, they had the same memories.

“I mean, we do have a way to find out, you know.” Jun said leaning close, his eyes full of mischief.

“How would we find out?” Sho asked despite the gnawing worry growing in his belly. They couldn’t really use any of the connections they had in the past, not in anyway that tied back to Sho anyway.

He trusted Jun, of course. He’d known Jun his whole life. They’d grown up together and very rarely did the younger man lead him astray, except for the time they had almost gotten arrested. Or the time they _accidentally_ started a fire during a festival. Or the time they had gotten banned from Sho’s favorite _okonomiyaki_ restaurant. Or the time they’d almost _died_. Sho felt his shoulders slump even more as the gnawing worry in his belly began biting. He looked forlornly at Jun who only seemed to smile wider.

-

Of course Sho knew Ninomiya Kazunari, but he didn’t really _know_ Ninomiya Kazunari. He was Aiba’s best friend and possibly his neighbor based on the amount of time Ninomiya spent across the hall in Aiba’s apartment. He looked very much like a sullen teenager, so much so that Sho had a hard time believing he was older than 17.

“I am 23 years old.” Ninomiya had said with a roll of his eyes and set down his DS. “What is it that you need from me? Sakurai Sho from the economics department.”

“How do you know who I am?” Sho asked, wishing his voice wasn’t as breathy. Ninomiya smiled slowly at him and Sho’s breath hitched.

 _Scared_ , Sho’s mind supplied, _you’re scared_. Sho tried to harden his eyes. _You’re scared because there’s things he shouldn’t know about you_.

“I know a whole bunch of things and for the right price, I can share what I know.” Sho swallowed thickly. His eyes darted to Jun who was sitting on the ground, his amused face resting on his fist.

“I-I-I don’t have any money.” Sho stuttered out, perfected after years of practice. Ninomiya didn’t look like he exercised much. His skin was pale and he looked thin and frail enough that Sho could probably throw him. Except Sho couldn’t fight anymore, he’d lost the last fight he had been in, it’s why his hand had been shattered. It’s why Sho was at Mitaka instead of Geidai.

“I can take many things as payments.” Ninomiya drawled and Sho’s eyes snapped back to him, “virginities, for example, can get you a whole bunch.” Sho didn’t have a chance to react before Jun began to laugh.

“Nino, you’re scaring him, stop it.” Jun said, standing up and walking over to Sho, who stood rigid in his spot. His face was a blotchy red, anger simmering underneath his skin. He only hoped that Nino read him as embarrassed. “He just wants to know a name and department. I’ll take you out to Denny’s, they have a really good curry hamburger steak set.” Jun’s arm slotted easily over Sho’s shoulders protectively. Sho felt himself relax. Ninomiya hummed thoughtfully.

“I do like hamburger steak.” he smiled slowly, and Sho had the feeling he was watching some sort of trickster at work. Perhaps a fox? Yeah, Ninomiya was totally a fox. Sho wondered if he still had a way of getting a hold of Yamada Ryosuke who was obsessed with yokai. Maybe he had a blessing for him but it probably wasn't wise for him to contact the younger boy, not yet anyway. “Who am I looking for?”

“He has red hair and he’s cute.” Jun said, glancing at Sho. Jun had never seen the boy with red hair. Sho gave him a weak nod.

“...and?”

“That’s it, that’s all we know about him.”

“You….” Ninomiya sighed long and heavy, scrubbing a hand, which Sho noted belatedly were actually really cute, down his face. “Okay, you’re gonna have to give me like a day or two, but I’ll find out.”

-

It took Nino, as he insisted he be called, a whole week to text Sho and request that he come over to Aiba’s. Sho half stumbled out his bedroom, accidentally waking up his roommate who was lounging on the couch.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Ohno-kun, when did you get in?”

“Around 3 am, what time is it?” Ohno murmured sleepily, sitting up and unzipping his windbreaker. Sho smiled noticing that he still had a towel wrapped around his forehead. Sho reached over to pat him on the shoulder. He’d been living with Ohno for almost three years now. He was a good roommate, quiet, unassuming and always paid his rent on time. Actually, he paid more of the rent than Sho, he also paid for the electricity and the wifi. Sho frowned, they both worked at the cafe near campus so Sho knew for a fact that their paychecks weren’t very good. He also knew that Ohno worked even less hours than Sho did. Where was Ohno getting the extra money? Illegal ways of obtaining money swirled around Sho’s head before he shook his head. It didn’t matter where Ohno was getting his extra money. He liked Ohno and Ohno liked him, they trusted each other, and in the end wasn’t that what mattered?

“9, did you catch anything good?” Sho asked, helping Ohno to his feet, “Oh, you still smell like the sea.”

“Mhmmmm, tuna.” Ohno lifted his shirt sniffing at it, “like the good sea or bad sea?”

“Good sea! It’s a nice good scent, you don’t really smell like fish guts this time.” Sho said an easy smile on his face, “did you by chance bring some of that tuna home?” his eyes were bright with hope.

“I did. I’ll prepare it for lunch. Where are you off to so early? I didn’t think you had classes this early on Fridays...it is Friday right?”

“Yeah it’s Friday, I just gotta go to Aiba’s really quick. I’ll be right back!” Sho called, hurryingly stuffing his feet into his shoes. He crossed the hall quickly, knocking on the door in front of him. The door swung open and Kazama, who actually lived with Aiba, blinked owlishly at him.

“Sakurai-kun, what brings you here so early?” Kazama Shunsuke was a very quiet guy. Any time Sho had seen him around campus, he was usually fiddling with some sort of electronic while Aiba bounced happily around him.

“I need to speak to Nino.” Sho said. Kazama smiled at him, moving to the side to allow Sho into the apartment.

“He’s not here right now.” Kazama said, as Sho stepped out of his shoes and into their living room, “but he’ll probably pop up here soon, he shows up for breakfast.”

“He doesn’t live here?” Sho asked, following Kazama into the kitchen where he continued chopping spring onions. “Oh, it smells really good in here.”

“No, he doesn’t, but he’s here often enough,” Kazama responded, taking the spring onions and throwing them into a pot. “Thanks, we have to start our meal prepping this week. Both Aiba and I will too busy to bother with cooking.”

“Oh, it's that time isn't? If you guys need extra help let me know! We’re neighbors after all!” though Sho wasn’t sure how he would be able to help them.

“It is, we have to come up with something new for the CES expo but they cut our budget _again_. How are they expecting us to build anything groundbreaking if they keep giving our budget away?”

“Who got it this time?” Sho asked, smiling as Kazama placed an empty mug next to him. Sho helped himself to the pot of coffee to his left.

“The _fucking_ art department!” Sho smiled fondly as Kazama began to chop potatoes angrily, “Masaki said he overheard Keiko-chan telling Nana-chan that the art department needed to pay some artist for teaching classes and then they have that gala in a few months where they’re showing off some of his art.”

“That’s rough, buddy.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. It’s so dumb.” Kazama sighed, his anger fizzing out of him. “Anyway, what do you need Nino for?”

“Oh, he said he had a name for me.” Sho said, sipping at his coffee. “Hey, could I get a little bit of milk?”

“Yeah, help yourself, a name...oh! The name of that fashion design guy?”

“Fashion design?”

“Masuda Takahisa, age 20, fashion design major, from Nerima.” Sho jumped at the sound of Nino’s voice, nearly spilling milk and coffee all over the place. “Good luck getting near him. While he didn’t notice me until I was pointed out to him, he’s friends with Kato Shigeaki, who is too observant for his own good. I would be careful if I were you, Sakurai.” Sho brought the mug to his mouth, swallowing thickly. The name Masuda was familiar, but Sho couldn’t place it.

“Why would Sakurai-kun need to be careful? He’s harmless.” Kazama said, beaming at them both. Sho felt his heart grow even fonder for him.

“Isn’t because Sho has that secret bad boy side?” Aiba said sleepily flopping into the chair next to him. “I’ve heard you rap Sho-chan, there’s no way you’re as squeaky clean as you claim you are.” Sho laughed heartily.

“What’s up with that? I just like the music, Aiba-chan.” Aiba giggled, reaching for a mug, Sho passed the coffee pot over.

“Sure, sure, Sho-chan whatever you say.”

Sho had met Aiba during his first year. He’d thought originally the other man was some sort of general studies major or on drugs. He was so bouncy and slightly airheaded. Sometimes, he would lean over during their shared government class and ask him the weirdest questions. Such gems being:

What do you think will happen if you wrap a cold compress around a canned drink?

Would the motorbike courier walk or use his motorbike if you request for a package delivery to the building right next door?

What do you think would happen if you filter coffee, tea and orange juice through a water purifier?

What would happen if you throw a cream pie at a fencing mask?

How do you think Australians draw feces?

Sho used to hate how quickly he would end up going at Aiba’s pace. The first few times, he snapped at him to shut up but then Sho couldn’t stop thinking. So he would lean over and ask Aiba if he’d found out the following day, half the time Aiba had actually done the experiment. Other times, he would smile wide and bright and ask Sho to join him in finding out.

The first time Aiba met Oguri, he leaned in really close and told him he looked like a delinquent.

“With that shirt and that suit jacket, you could pass as _yakuza_. Actually, Matsumoto-kun, you could too.” It’s needless to say that Aiba completely managed to floor them each time. Sho was stunned when he found out that Aiba Masaki was actually the science department’s best student, double majoring in biology and mechanical engineering.

“I wanted to triple major and get a chemical engineering degree too, but then I wouldn’t have time to play around and see Kazama so I figured I could always come back for it later.” Sho had given him a stunned nod, “sorry I didn’t tell you about the whole genius thing, but I feel like it’s not a thing I should say about myself.”

-

The world was fuzzy around the edges. Everything darker. Sho watched as a small boy, no older than 9, made his way through the tatami maze that was supposed to be home. The boy was wearing a navy blue yukata and he was holding a bag filled with goldfish. Sho followed quietly. The boy wanted to show the goldfish he’d won at the festival to his father. He’d been so excited to have finally gotten to go, he’d even gone with some of the other boys that lived with him.

Sho watched, a growing knot in his throat, as the boy neared a door. Sho knew what was coming. He closed his eyes.

The boy opened the door just as gunshots rang out. Warm liquid painted the side of his face, staining his yukata. The goldfish slipped from his hands, bag bouncing harmlessly to the side, the fish panicking as the water sloshed around. Sho had never seen another man die before. He watched now as the man dropped, chest rising one last time before stopping completely. Red, deep red spread all around. Sho’s eyes widened as Jun’s dad picked him up and took him out of the room.

“Did you know, Matsumoto-san, red is my favorite color?” Sho had said as Jun’s dad wiped his face with a damp towel. Warm, just like the blood had been.

-

It would not be the last dead man Sho would see. It would not be the last time Sho would wipe blood off his face. In this house, everyone’s hands were stained red.

-

Sho rubbed his eyes before sitting up more, pulling his book closer. He fought the urge to sigh. Economics was so damn boring.

“You know, _botchan_ , I will never understand why of all the things you could have studied, you decided on economics.” Sho lifted his gaze to where Oguri was twirling his pencil. Oguri Shun had grown up with him and Jun, along with Ikuta Toma who Sho smiled briefly at as Toma swatted Oguri in the arm. All of them in that house that was too big, too heavy.

“We’re not supposed to call him _botchan_ anymore, especially not anywhere anyone can hear you, idiot. Sho-sama I’m sorry.” Sho shook his head, jotting down some notes. It had been years and still every few months or so this conversation reared its head.

“Oh yeah, because ‘Sho-sama’ sounds even less conspicuous.”

“You both are idiots. Just call him Sho; he never cared for the labels and you both know that.” Jun said, frowning at his laptop. Sho chuckled quietly beside him.

“Economics is good, I’ll become an accountant.” Sho smiled, “makes it easier to keep the books balanced for the government, y’know? It’ll be a good skill to have when we get back home.” Sho hadn’t told them about this part of the plan. He hadn’t told anyone, but this year felt pregnant with opportunity.

“We’re going back home?” Toma whispered, the air around them changing. Both Jun and Oguri exchanged a look before they leaned closer in time with Toma. Sho cut quick glances around them. The cafeteria was loud, students moving to and fro, conversations overlapping.

“I’m going to take back what is rightfully mine.”

“What changed? You’ve hated it for years and now?” Sho could understand the disbelieving tone in Jun’s voice. He had hated that house by the end of it and was tired of the growing stain of blood on his hands. Dead bodies had never bothered him. But there was a ghost that haunted him. One he saw every time he closed his eyes.

“I’m going to take it back, so I can burn it to the ground.” Sho smiled darkly, making eye contact with each one of his friends. Oguri smiled back.

“Well, isn’t this delicious?”

Sho’s father had fucked up when he allowed him to take these men with him and out of that house. He fucked up when he allowed two others to stay. Sho was coming for him, Sho was coming for them all.

-

The cafe was busy. Sho was definitely glad today was black shirt day.

“Where did they all come from?!” Koyama was saying from beside him as he whipped up some strawberry concoction. “It’s not exam week!” Sho shook his head, reaching around him to grab the whip cream, which he then added to the white chocolate frappuccino he was trying to finish.

“This is insane!” Mori-chan was saying, squeezing by behind them both. “Where is Ohno-kun?! People keep asking for the latte art and I am not good at it! And full offense, but you two suck.”

“Hey!” Koyama and Sho both let out an indignant squawk.

“Coffee is meant to be drank not drawn on. Order for Miura Shohei-sama!” Koyama said, spinning and placing two cups on the counter.

Aozora Cafe was a small cafe a block down from the university. It was always open and mostly staffed by students. Sho liked it alright, it was his first actual job, and he couldn’t believe how lucky he’d gotten with it. His coworkers were all incredibly friendly, upbeat, and so genuinely kind. His absolute favorite shift mates were Ohno, Koyama, and Mori-chan. Ohno was able to handle the latte art and had an uncanny ability to calm everyone down. Koyama Keiichiro was a journalism major who was in the same circle as Sho, a circle that neither of them knew quite what it was. Sho joined it because he thought it was some sort of music appreciation. Koyama joined it because he thought it had something to do with the school paper, turns out it was neither of those things. Currently, their circle only met once a month and mostly ate sweets. So maybe, Koyama theorized, it was actually a sweets club. Either way, Sho and Koyama got along great. Koyama was earnest and tried his best, even if most nights he went home wearing more coffee that was reasonably acceptable. Then there was Mori Izumi. Mori-chan was the most upbeat, bubbly girl Sho had ever met. Her ability to diffuse every altercation was a godsend and her smile was a million watt shot of electricity down the spine of every person she aimed it at. Albeit, she was a bit of airhead, but her adorableness made her mostly forgiven.

“And we’re absolutely sure we’re not running some sort of special?” Sho asked, grabbing some lemon pound cake slices to place on the tray. “Order for Ishihara Satomi-sama!”

“No, we’ve been ringing everything up at full price and no one has yelled yet, so that’s definitely not it.” Mori-chan said, contemplatively. There was a crash to Sho’s right and Sho didn’t even have to look to know that Koyama had spilled a drink down his front yet again.

“I’m just gonna go kill myself in the back, it was nice knowing you.”  

“Chin up, Keii-chan! If you have nothing else, you’re at least handsome!”

“Izumi-chan! Marry me!” Sho snorted at the face that Mori-chan made.

“Gross, no.”

“Izumi-chan!” Sho bent down to pick up the pieces of mug from the ground. “Ah, thank you Sh-Massu! Oh my god, hey! What are you guys doing here?”

“Keii-chan, make me a hot chocolate!” came a melodic voice from the counter, “Shige wants an espresso and we don’t want to pay for it!”

“We’re paying for it,” came a lower voice. Sho stood up, dropping the ceramic into the trash can.

“Hey, Koyama what were you mak-”

“Oh, hello.” Sho’s eyes widened as they connected with the boy with red hair. He smiled gently and Sho’s heart exploded into a flurry of motion. “I didn’t know you worked with Koyama, it’s nice to see you again.” His voice was so smooth and rich, Sho wanted to drown in it.

“You two know each other?” Koyama asked, a confused note in his voice.

“No, we’ve been running into each other on campus though. Usually when I go to visit you, I’m Masuda Takahisa.” as if Sho didn’t already know, as if the name hadn’t been echoing in the depths of his soul for days.

“I’m Sakurai Sho.”

“Well, it’s certainly nice to finally have a name for your face.” Masuda smile widened and Sho felt a thrill kick down his spine.

-

It turned out that Koyama, Masuda, and the other guys, who were introduced as Kato Shigeaki and Tegoshi Yuya, all went to the same high school in Nerima before coming to Mitaka. Massu, as he preferred to be called, was in his second year and had only chosen Mitaka because of how much calmer the fashion department was compared to Todai.

“I went there for my first year, and I hated it. In one year, I felt that they were sucking everything out of me. I was constantly producing, constantly trying to be different and better than everyone else, more innovative, braver, and I ended up hated all of my designs. I couldn’t take it, so I complained to Koyama and he said Mitaka’s department was calmer and that I could definitely go at my own pace here. He was right. I love it here and I love my designs again.” Sho nodded. Mitaka was calm, it was almost as if time moved differently on this campus than anywhere else Sho had ever been.

“What year are you?” Massu asked, bringing his mug to his mouth. Sho thought for probably 8th time that it was insane to be jealous of a mug.

“Fourth. I’m in my last year.” Sho tried to maintain eye contact with Massu, but his face flushed any time their eyes met. Massu was staring at him like Sho was the only person in the room, Sho hadn’t had this much attention on him since he left his home, he wasn’t sure how to react.

“Massu, if you’re done undressing Sakurai-kun with your eyes, we really should go.” Tegoshi said, his voice sounding bored. Sho choked on air and Massu turned to glare at the blond.

“Tegoshi, sometimes I wish I had left you in the woods when we got lost as children.” Massu said, his voice hard. Sho would be lying if he didn’t feel his dick twitch at the tone.  

“But then who would model your clothes? I’m obviously the cutest one out of the bunch.” Tegoshi smiled too sweetly and innocently at him. Kato sighed from beside him.

“That's enough, let’s go. It was nice to meet you Sakurai-kun, see you at home, Koyama.”

“Yeah, okay, bye! Also Massu, please don’t kill Tegoshi on your way home. We need his scholarship for the apartment!”

“We really don’t!”

“You’re right, but don’t murder him before Shige finishes his law degree!” Sho let out a chuckle, “Childhood friends, ya gotta love them huh?” Koyama said, a smile on his lips. “Order for Koike Teppei-sama!”

Yes, you had to love childhood friends.

-

The world was fuzzy again, and Sho let out a long sigh. He walked around until he found himself again. This time he was a little older, probably around 15. He was wiping blood off his hands. His eyes were feral and his mouth was set to a snarl. Sho shook his head. He was such an angry teenager. He recognized Jun, who stood behind him, head down. Ah, it was definitely Sho at 15. Jun was so skinny then, so weak. There was a boy in front of Sho, face bloody, chest heaving, and making an ugly wet noise.

“ _Botchan_ …you went a little hard on him, don’t you think?” Oguri said, lifting the boy’s arm, only to release it and watch it thump pathetically to the ground, “What if he dies?”

“Then your dad cleans it up.”

“True, but now I’m supposed to be learning too, and I don’t want to have clean up the kid that sits behind me in class.” Oguri’s voice always sounded bored and unaffected, Sho was jealous. Sho wished he could hide his emotions so easily. He reached over and grabbed the broken broom handle which he then lifted and brought down hard across Oguri’s head. He watched as the younger boy staggered to the side before falling.

“Sho!?” Jun yelped from behind him, immediately rushing to Oguri’s side. Oguri squeezed his eyes hard before opening them slowly, a hand coming up to touch the spot where the skin split. His fingertips coating themselves with slick blood.

“Are you satisfied, _botchan_? Or do you want to give me another wack?” Sho threw the handle away. He absolutely hated how unaffected Oguri sounded still. He stormed away without answering, ignoring how Jun called after him and how Toma followed silently behind. He hated all of them. They were so weak, so useless to him.

Sho watched as his younger version kicked over a trash can before he exited the school grounds. He never did see that kid again. Sometimes, he wondered what happened to him. No one talked about it and no one went looking for Sho or any of them for an explanation. Maybe they all knew but what could they do to Sho? He was the son of Sakurai Shun, afterall.

-

Sho turned the page of his textbook for History of Economic Thought, when he felt someone sit in front of him. He racked his head for the schedules of his friends, he smiled briefly.

“Toma, get me a coffee from the vending machine.” He jotted down a few notes down, brow furrowing. The person across from him wasn’t moving. He never had to ask twice, “Toma?” Sho lifted his head, his heart stuttering in his chest.

“Fancy meeting you here, Sakurai-kun.” Massu was sitting in front of him, smiling softly.

“Masuda-kun. Hi, sorry I thought you were someone else.”

“Call me Massu, and I noticed. I’ll get you that coffee though, which one do you want?”

“He likes this one. Who are you?” Toma said, placing the canned coffee in front of Sho. He had his eyes narrowed on Massu, his upper lip twitching as if fighting the urge to sneer. Sho face palmed.

“Toma, this is Massu. He’s a friend.”

“A friend?” Toma asked, glancing quickly to Sho. Sho lifted his face, making direct eye contact with Toma.

“A friend.” The shift of his tone was subtle, so he doubted Massu noticed but Toma did and that was the important part. Toma immediately straightened his spine only to bow at a 90 degree angle.

“My apologies! We’re all just a little protective of Sho here.” Toma said, lifting his head and coming around to sit next to Sho. An easy smile flashed onto his face.

“Protective?”

“Years of being bullied.” Sho explained with a small chuckle. “This is Ikuta Toma. He’s one of my childhood friends, we grew up in the same apartment building.” This was their cover story. No one knew them here so the Sakurai name didn’t mean much.

It had been strange when they first moved here. Back in greater Tokyo and definitely in Minato, the name Sakurai carried weight, but here, not even a full hour away, it meant jack-shit. Here, they were normal guys. Here, their hands were clean. So Sho became an awkward guy but known to be really nice and a little dorky, which he was to an extent. Oguri was the confident theater major which, honestly, was Oguri back home too. Sho remembers how when they were children, his father made Oguri dress up and perform in front of everyone. Sho suppresses a shudder and the sick bite of disgust in his belly. Toma was the nice one, with easy smiles and a refreshing can-do attitude. Which again was pretty accurate, Toma was the nicer one out of all of them. Though, once he considered you a threat, you tended to mysteriously disappear. Now he was a music major. Sho used to accompany his violin before his hand had been shattered. Then there was Jun. He was who really fit the role of _botchan_. With his calm calculating nature, Sho always had a soft spot for the other man. Jun was Sho’s right hand, always there. Now Jun was the cool suave marketing major who had somehow scored a job at an impressive company. If only they knew that the company was a front and it dealt mostly with underground proceedings. Jun was the only one who still had his fingers dipped into the cesspool that was the _yakuza_ underbelly.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Massu said, his features turning into a frown. Sho’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest.

“It’s alright, it’s been a long time since the last time I got bullied. I’d like to say it made me stronger too.” Sho smiled, before turning to Toma, “Hey, I just remembered! Jun wanted you to meet him outside of his class. You should hurry, he’ll be out soon.”

“Okay! It was nice to meet you, Massu! See you later, Sho-chan!” Toma stood, jogging away a little before disappearing into the crowd. He’d find somewhere to hide where he could still watch Sho. They both knew full well Jun was in class for another hour.  

“Now, would you like to get lunch?” Sho asked, closing his book.

“Well I wouldn’t want to disturb your studying.” Massu said, leaning in slightly, playing with Sho’s pencil.

“The thing about economics is once you get the basics down, it’s pretty easy.”

“Is that so?” Sho felt like he was drowning in Massu’s dulcet voice. For someone who looked so soft and innocent, Massu was deceptively seductive.

-

“So you have a second date?” Jun asked, as Sho tried on yet another shirt. This time, it was a light lavender one. “Did you two eating lunch even count as a first one?”

“It counts! How about this shirt?”

“It looks weird with a black undershirt, but it’s too hot to wear a white one, where’s your purple one?”

“Oguri borrowed it.” Sho said, taking off the shirt he was wearing and pulled out a navy blue button up. “This one?” Sho liked it alot. It had been a present from his little brother. Navy blue with a cherry blossom motif.

“Yes, wear your black skinny jeans.” Jun paused, “I don’t understand how your eleven year old brother has a better fashion sense than you.” Jun stood then, walking over to touch the fabric of Sho’s shirt.

“He lived with our mother and sister so I’m sure they influenced him. We grew up surrounded by a bunch of old geezers that thought visible wife beaters and open silk leopard print button ups were fashionable.”

“Excuse you, I have impeccable fashion, same with my dad. Shun also has a great fashion sense and while sometimes Toma is a little misguided, he has an eye for it. It’s literally just you.”

“What about Okura and Yamada? They suck too.”

“No, they really don’t. Yamada is his school’s prince, and Okura keeps getting scouted when he goes to Harajuku, so really, it’s just you.” Sho groaned, this was not the first time they were having this conversation.

“Anyway, where are you going for the date?”

“Why? So you can spy on me?”

“If I wanted to spy on you, all I have to do is figure out where Toma is.”

“Toma is not going to tail me on my date!” Sho protested.

“Yeah, okay, because Toma hasn’t been tailing you every day of his life since he could walk.” Jun scoffed, leaning back on the bed. “You look good. You're sure you don’t wanna kill time with me instead?” Jun wiggled his hips a little. Sho threw a sock at him.

“No, you jerk, and Toma didn’t tail me when I went to lunch with Massu last week.” Sho added, grabbing his wallet.

“You keep telling yourself that, buddy, you keep telling yourself that.”

-

They ended up at a ramen restaurant Aiba had suggested Sho go to a few weeks back.

“I hope this is okay.” Sho said, as they approached their table. Massu looked fantastic. Form fitting black jeans, an oversized black graphic t shirt, and a rich purple kimono-style cardigan.

“I love this place so yes, this is okay. Have you ever been here? The gyoza is to die for! I can eat fifty in one sitting.” Massu said his eyes sparkling, an excited smile on his face.

“I haven’t actually, my neighbor just started working here, so he suggested it.” He paused, looking around the restaurant trying to see any sign of Aiba. “But I’m so glad you like it, however, fifty gyoza? I sincerely doubt you can eat that many.”

“Sakurai Sho is that a challenge?”

“It might be.”

Talking to Massu was easy. During their first outing together, they spent so much talking that they inadvertently ended up skipping their afternoon classes. Sho felt like he had always known Massu. They existed together comfortably, and for once, Sho didn’t feel like he had to constantly watch what he said. Of course, he would skirt around his past or leave out bloody details, but for the most part Sho felt like he was being allowed to truly be himself. Something he didn’t think he’d ever gotten to do.

“So you took a two year gap?” Massu asked later, as they walked around aimlessly after dinner.

“Yes, I didn’t start university until I was twenty. I originally took a gap year so I could take over my father’s business, but what I really wanted to do was go to Geidai and join their piano department. I got injured so I wasn’t able to so I figured I’d go ahead and get my degree in economics and join the family business.”

“And what is it that your family does?”

“Textiles.” Sho said, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket. It was a deep burgundy color. Minimalistic koi fish were embroidered in white on the front. “We mostly work with handkerchiefs, believe it or not.” Sho said, a soft smile on his face.

“Wait! I recognize this! This is from Yui-hime! Wait, your family owns Yui-hime?! Is your mom Sakurai Yoko?! I absolutely love this brand!” Massu gripped Sho’s wrist, pulling it closer to inspect the handkerchief. “May I?”  Sho nodded, chuckling lightly as he handed it over. Sho watched fondly as Massu rattled off about stitch work, how nice the material was, and how the minimalistic animal series was his favorite series Yui-hime had released.

“What about you? What does your family do?” Sho asked, Massu’s face turned contemplative.

“My dad works in real estate, but I don’t want to work in his office, so I told him I was doing fashion design. He had a fit, told me I was his only son so I had to, but his business is so boring.” Massu said, making a face.

“I get it, my father was so mad when I told him I wanted to play the piano instead of taking over the family. He actually kicked me out, but then I had the accident and well, now I’m doing my filial duty or whatever.” Sho lifts his hand up, seeing his fingers tremble slightly. It took a lot of therapy to get his left hand to function. Sometimes, when the weather was cold, Sho would become acutely aware of the pins and wires keeping his bones in place.  

“What happened to it?” Massu asked, taking it in his and linking their fingers together.

“I went to the factory after he kicked me out since there was a couch there. I figured I could just sleep there and head home in the morning, because surely by then he wouldn’t be so angry. I went to mess with the machines because I liked their sound but the one I messed with wasn’t calibrated correctly and my hand got crushed.”

“Ouch, that must have been so painful.”

“It was.” Sho shrugged, “It’s really no big deal now. My father is getting on in years, so it’s only right I take over. If anything my little brother will be old enough in about 7 years and he can take over.”

“Oh you have a little brother?”

“Yeah, he’s 11 right now, I also have a sister, she’s twenty now.” He remembers the pictures Jun showed him of Mai during the coming of age ceremony, she looked so beautiful and regal in her rich purple _furisode_. Anger pulsed through Sho, he had to miss it, just like he missed his own coming of age. Sho remembers the sick feeling and sight of his mangled hand while he lay inside a dirty cold room under the house. “And you? Any siblings?” Sho asked, putting on a practiced smile.

“Just a sister, she’s older than me, I had a brother, but he passed away.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, that must have been terrible.”

“It’s been a long time now, about five years or so, I wasn’t super close to him, he lived with my dad. Me and my mom had been living with my grandparents when he died.”

“How did it happen?” Sho asked before he could stop himself. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s fine, he died in an accident.”

-

The first time Sho kissed Massu was at festival under the glow of a diadem firework. Golden with a red center. He could feel the blast under his skin, his blood singing happily with his heart. Massu’s lips were soft, the skin of his cheek smooth under Sho’s left palm. The hiccup of a gasp ghosting along Sho’s lips as he pressed harder made Sho wish time could stop. They broke apart smiling at each other and Sho linked their fingers together.

“Sho, I think I really like you.” Massu whispered, his breath making Sho shiver as it caressed his ear.

“That’s great, because I really like you too, Takahisa.”

-

They went on more dates, divulged more and more about themselves. Sho couldn’t be happier. Massu made Sho relax, made him trust, Sho never wanted the spell to break. They were hanging out at Aiba’s apartment, the whole giant group of them. Sho laughed as Nino kept the lead on _Mario Kart_ and Tegoshi yelled unintelligibly beside him.

“Do you ever shut up?” Nino snapped.

“Is it distracting you?” Tegoshi asked leaning to the side to bump his shoulder against Nino.

“Yes!”

“Good!” Tegoshi yelled.

“He’s so loud.” Massu pouted from beside him, and Sho leaned over to kiss his cheek.

“I’ll get you a refill.” Sho said standing and taking Massu’s empty cup and making his way to the kitchen.

“You love him, don’t you Sho-chan?” Aiba said from beside him. He was clinging drunkenly to Kazama who was attempting to cut up some cucumbers.

“I think I really do.” Sho said, sneaking a glance at Massu as he laughed at something Nino had said, before the sound of the knife missing the cucumber and clattering against the cutting board stole his attention. Sho reached over to take the knife away from Kazama, “please let Jun do this. You’re really drunk. Hey, Jun!” Jun glanced up, a questioning look on his features. “Come cut these please, I don’t want Kazama or Aiba to hurt themselves.”

“So I can hurt myself?” Jun snarked as he came to the kitchen taking the knife away from Sho.

“Just be careful with your pinky.” Aiba giggled next to them, “wouldn’t want anyone to think you were from the wrong side of the tracks.” Sho felt himself freeze and he didn’t miss how Jun’s knife paused briefly before continuing to move as if nothing was the matter.

“Who would think such a thing?” Kato said setting down his cup beside Sho’s and reaching for the whiskey. His eyes narrowed slightly. Sho would have been nervous if the slight sway in Kato’s body wasn’t giving him away. “Matsumoto-kun is too kind for that to be anyone’s first thought.”

“Ah, Kato-kun, it’s a joke, when I first met them they were dressed like they had just stepped out of the _Yakuza_ game.” Aiba said giggling again, leaning over to drape himself over Sho, “but you’re right, they’re way too nice to belong to such a dark and bloody place.”

“Also, I’m not smooth enough to belong to a _yakuza_ , or brave enough, I’m a scaredy cat.” Sho chuckled good naturedly, filling Massu’s cup and meandering his way back to the couch next to him.

-

Sho ran his fingers lightly through Massu’s hair as the younger man lay on his chest. They had been watching a movie, but Sho must have dozed off in the middle because now the credits were rolling up the screen slowly. He felt his eyes drooping shut again. Massu’s weight was comfortable and warm.

“Do you have to take over your family business?” Massu asked, half muffled. Sho stilled, suddenly awake.

“What?”

“Do you have to take over? What if you just stay here with me?” Massu lifted himself up, hovering over Sho. “What if you never go back to Minato?” Sho had never seen that expression on Massu’s face, pleading and hurt and Sho’s heart beat painfully in his chest.

“I can’t do that, I need to go back.” Sho’s throat squeezed. What he would give to never go back to Minato, what he would give to stay here on Massu’s comfy couch and never think about his family name again. But Sho had to go back, he had to dismantle the Sakurai-gumi so that his little brother and sister could be free. So that Jun, Oguri, Toma, and the rest could be free. So that their hands never became stained again. Massu leaned down and kissed him softly.

“Sorry, I’m just in a weird mood today. Are you going to go to the art gala tomorrow?” his expression softened.

“Yeah, Jun is dragging us, he’s a big fan of the artist, are you going?” Sho smoothed his hands down Massu’s arms, “sorry I didn’t invite you.”

“I am going, and it’s okay I didn’t invite you either. I love 3104, so I’m really looking forward to his art being displayed.”

“You’ve been busy, how is your dad doing?” Massu had been gone for about two weeks and Sho had missed him dearly.

“He’s doing a lot better, nothing he couldn’t handle. He’s a tough guy.” Massu smiled, leaning down to kiss him again.

“That’s good, I’m glad. What kind of artist is 3104? I asked Jun about it once and he just told me he was a genius and didn’t expand on the subject.”

“3104 is a genius! He does a lot of little clay figures, they all have the same base but each one is styled differently and they’re somehow amazing to look at for how simple they are.” Massu rambled off, “wait I think Shige has his art book somewhere, I’ll go look for it, but seriously it’s amazing.” Massu made to move off of Sho, but Sho wrapped his arms tightly around him.

“What if, instead, you stay here and kiss me?” Sho said a small smirk on his lips. “I can look at the book later.” Massu smiled back, settling his body over Sho’s and nearing his lips.

“Please don’t have sex on the couch we all sit on!” came Kato’s deep voice from his room.

“Or do! Just let me watch!” came Tegoshi’s, causing Sho and Massu to groan.

“Guys! Please give them their privacy!” came Koyama’s chiding voice.

“Why do we even come here, we could just go to your apartment, at least Ohno-kun is quiet and keeps to himself.” Massu paused frowning, “I’m still in awe that I haven’t met him once.”

“I mean, I would offer my apartment, but a gas line busted and so we can’t go there. They’re supposed to be coming tomorrow to fix it. As for not meeting Ohno, he’s been really busy lately, but I’m sure you’ll meet him soon.”

“That’s awful, where have you staying?”

“At Jun’s. I used to live with him when we all first moved here, but then I decided to move closer to campus.” Massu hummed, leaning down to kiss Sho on the lips.

“You could stay here with me for the time being if you want.” Massu’s voice was quiet. Sho opened his mouth to turn him down. Sho wanted to stay, he really did, but he couldn’t risk being seen shirtless by Massu or any of his roommates, it was hard enough to hide his back from Ohno and he was rarely around. Just then, however, came a loud crash. Tegoshi squealed, running out of Koyama’s room, while the older man yelled about how he liked his bookshelf and what if Tegoshi had broken something.

“On second thought, never mind, it’s absolute chaos here and I wouldn’t want to have you deal with it.”

-

Sho stood still as Jun tied his bow tie and Toma added the cuff-links to his shirt. He smiled as Oguri held his jacket out for him, helping him slide it on.

“What are you smiling about?” Jun asked, folding down the collar and patting it into space.

“It’s like old times. You guys haven’t dressed me in a while.” The three men froze. Jun’s hands slid away from where he was buttoning the jacket down.

“God dammit.” Toma grunted, as he stood from where he had been preparing Sho’s shoes.

“Old habits die hard, don’t they?” Oguri said letting himself drop back in the bed. “You’ve been living with us again for 3 days and already we’ve fallen back into old ways, giving you the best bed, having breakfast ready for you, waking you up, and having the bath water heated for you and now dressing you. No wonder you moved out.”

“I wanted to see what it would be like to do things for myself.”

“And you nearly died! Sho, you didn’t even know how to work a toaster,” Jun said, turning around and busying himself with his own suit. Toma snorted, moving to sit next to Oguri.

“It is not my fault that I never had to do any of that stuff,” Sho defended himself. He remembers how he had called them panicked at 4 am because the toast had burnt and filled his apartment with smoke.

“I’m just glad that you found that roommate, who we strangely haven't met yet.”

“I am actually annoyed I don’t know what he looks like, I mean, it’s _me_.” Toma said, dramatically. Sho rolled his eyes, briefly connecting with Oguri who smirked at him. “I still think you should let me come over and search your apartment, and that you should allow me to come to your job.”

“Toma, if you set foot anywhere near the cafe and or my apartment, I will kill you,” Sho said, looking away from the mirror. Toma gulped as they made eye contact.

“Now, now, _botchan_ , let’s not get a murder boner. We have a gala to go to, after all.”

“Actually, before we go, I have something to run past you guys,” Sho said, staring at his hands before taking a deep breath. The guys exchanged a look before sitting in front of him.

“What’s going on?” Jun asked, Sho turned to face them.

“I think it might be time to tell Massu?”

“What do you mean tell him?” Jun’s voice got quiet. Sho could see the apprehension on their faces.

“About us, about my past, about my tattoo. I want to let him in all the way, I don’t want to hide from him.”

“You’re not just saying this just because you want to have sex with him, right?” Oguri asked. Sho could tell he didn’t mean it sound as harsh at it sounded, but he couldn’t stop the bite of anger under his blood.

“No. That is not it.”

“Then why?” Oguri pressed, standing, “Why do you need to tell him? Aren’t things going good? Aren’t our lives going well? Sho, do we have to go back?” Sho blinked, rapidly. Oguri had never called him by his given name before. Sho watched as emotions bloomed on Oguri’s face. He looked torn and scared. Sho had never seen such an expression on the other man. Not when Sho gave him the scar on his temple, not when Sho pushed him into a river, not when he had to carry Sho, bloody and broken, into the room under the house. Oguri always stayed detached. He was the perfect cleaner, the perfect left hand. Even when Sho was gross from the fever, even when he had to push the bones back into Sho’s mangled hand to wrap it. Even when he had to carry Sho out of that room, dying and sweaty from the infection, Oguri was the rock. Stable, unmovable, unbreakable. Sho glanced to Jun and Toma, who both watched him with the same shock Sho felt.

“You didn’t seem against going back when I mentioned it before, what changed?” Sho said, swallowing, “why are you against it now?”

“You’re just so happy right now, Sho. Toma met Nino and they flirting or whatever, Jun is flourishing and letting loose, and we’re happy. Can’t we just be happy like this?” Oguri’s voice became shaky towards the end. He took a step towards Sho. Jun and Toma rose slowly behind him. The air was suddenly tense. Sho felt like he was drowning, but he couldn’t. Not when he had a responsibility, not when his little brother hadn’t spilled his first blood yet.

“What about my brother?” Sho was proud his voice came out sturdy. “What about Yamada and Okura? My sister? Your sister? What about Yu-chan? Huh, you just want to leave her in that brothel?” Sho knew it was low blow, but Sho also knew he needed Oguri on his side when they went back. “We can save them all Shun, all of them.” Sho moved closer, putting his hands on Oguri’s shoulders. Oguri closed his eyes, his head bowing. “I will save all of us, Shun. Then we’ll wash our hands. But for now, I won’t say anything to Massu, I’ll give it more time. Okay? I’ll give us more time.” Oguri gave him a curt nod, and Sho put his hand behind his head, pulling until Oguri’s head was resting on his shoulder. “But I will have to tell him eventually, this not something I can hide forever.”

“Okay, _botchan_ , okay.”

-

The gala was fancy. It had been a while since Sho had gone anywhere where so many men were in expensive suits. Sho looked around trying to figure out where Toma went. The other man had popped out of nowhere with a plate full of cocktail shrimp and some crab cakes before disappearing again.

“Where did Toma go?” Sho asked Oguri, who looked around the room slowly. The tension between them had disappeared when they stepped out of the apartment complex and onto the street.

“Probably staking out all the possible exits. He was up late last night looking through the guest list too.”

“Where did he get a guest list?” Jun asked, smiling as he took two wine glasses from a passing server. Oguri shrugged taking a glass as well.

“It’s Toma, I learned a long time to not question how he gets information.” Oguri stood on his tiptoes, “However, I have found him, he’s at the food table eating what looks like bread.”

“Did he even stake out the place?” Jun asked, as they made their way towards the table. Sho shrugged. While he appreciated that Jun, Oguri, and Toma still acted as good _yakuza_ boys, Sho doubted anything would ever happen in Mitaka. The biggest scandal Sho had seen to date in the sleepy district was the university giving away the science department’s budget to departments dealing with the arts on a constant basis due to the dean wanting to brush shoulders with the famous.  

Sho popped yet another cocktail shrimp into his mouth as they reached the table, relishing at the taste.

“These are so good.” he half moaned, and Toma nodded at him enthusiastically.

“Have you had the crab cakes yet? Divine Sho-sama, they are divine.”

“If you two could stop gorging yourselves for about 3 minutes, that would be grand. Now, help me find 3104, I wanna talk to him.” Jun said, electing to ignore the moan of pleasure that ripped out of Sho’s throat as he bit into the crab cake.

“What’s he look like?” asked Toma after swallowing, “I’m the best at finding people.”

“Actually, Ikuta-kun, that would be me, and Jun-pon already asked me to find him.” Nino’s voice drawled behind them, “See, Aiba-chan, I told you we’d find them at the food table.” Sho turned to smile widely at Aiba who gave him a very enthusiastic hello before excusing himself to find Kazama.

“Ninomiya-san, what a pleasure to make your acquaintance yet again.” Toma said, turning slowly, a fake smile on his face as he reached over to pat Nino’s shoulder.

“I swear you two were getting along last week, what happened?” Sho said, while looking at the food table for his next bite of food. Oh, the chicken wraps looked amazing.

“They were getting along until Jun accidentally let it slip that Nino was the one who found Massu for you.”

“Which reminds me! How could you, Sho-sama!? Were my abilities not _trusted_.” Sho turned to look at Toma. Ignoring as Nino made eye contact with Jun and mouthed “ _sama_?” at him. Jun shrugged.

“Toma is dramatic.” Jun added quietly.

“Not at all, I just knew you have that recital coming up and I didn’t want to intrude on your practice time.” Sho continued, smiling warmly as the other man began to radiate happiness.

“Sho-sama!” Toma cried, moving to wrap his arms around Sho only be stopped by Jun.

“He’s wearing a Tom Ford suit, if you get so much as a speck of food on it, I will slaughter you.” Toma let out a weak chuckle, lifting his hands in surrender.

“Did you find a piano accompanist yet?” Nino asked, swiping a wine glass from a passing server.

“I did actually, so I won’t actually be needing your services, Ninomiya-san.” a slow smile crept onto Nino’s face as he leaned closer.

“And who would that be, Ikuta-kun?”

“Tegoshi is a music major like me and he plays the piano so we’ve been practicing together. When he’s actually focused on something, he’s terrifying.” Nino frowned, leaning away immediately.

“Who’s terrifying?” came Tegoshi’s voice, causing them all to jump.

“You obviously, you monster.” Massu said, moving to Sho’s side at once. “So, Shige has it on good authority that the crab cakes are really good.”

“Oh, does he now?” Sho asked, piling another onto his plate, smiling as Massu’s hand found the small of his back. “I mean, he’s right but what gave him that inside knowledge?”

“He cooked them. Our Shige-chan can do it all, except anything remotely athletic.” whatever retort Massu had for that statement died as the lights were killed, and a spotlight illuminated the small stage.

“Hello, and welcome to our long awaited gala. We are gathered here today to celebrate a talented artist who has also been kind enough to teach our students in his free time. Without further ado, let us welcome to the stage 3104.”

“No way.” Sho muttered in surprise as Ohno sleepily made his way onto the stage. “That’s Ohno.”

“Your roommate is 3104?!” Massu asked, turning to face him, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“More importantly Sho why didn’t you tell _me_?!” came Jun’s voice just as surprised from his left.

“I didn’t know! I just know Ohno likes to fish I didn’t know he did art too, and I certainly didn’t know he was famous, but that does explain where he gets the extra money from.”

“Nino, did you know?” Jun asked turning to face Nino as the younger man munched on a mini egg roll.

“Of course I did, I practically live across the hall from him.” Nino smiled widely, “Honestly, Sho-kun you never once questioned where his money came from?”

“I mean, I just assumed it was something he couldn’t talk about about so I didn’t ask.”

“Something under the table?” Sho averted his eyes instead to Ohno on stage. He didn’t like the way Nino’s eyes drilled into him. Nino saw too much, but Sho didn’t know how much of Sho it was he saw. Did he see the blood that stained Sho’s hands permanently red? Did he see the tattoo on Sho’s back? Sometimes it felt like Nino was staring down the dragon in defiance.

“Nino that’s enough, you’re gonna freak Sho out.” came Jun’s voice as he moved between the two. Toma had moved to in front of Sho, his eyes staring right back into Nino’s, while Oguri put his hands on Sho’s shoulders.

“It’s when you guys do things like this, that it makes it feel like you’re all hiding some sort of secret,” Nino said, before turning to clap in time with the rest of the crowd, Sho chuckled.

“What would we even be hiding? They’re just protective.” Sho stepped away from all of them and back towards Massu’s side. “By the way, your suit looks really good on you.” Massu smiled back at him, bringing a hand to touch Sho’s bicep.

“Yeah? You look really good too, Sho. This is a really good fit on you.”

“You know, my landlord called me earlier today. Can you guess what he said?” Sho leaned in, his lips barely brushing Massu’s ear. Seeing Massu in his suit was dangerous. Normally, Massu wore oversized clothes, a myriad of styles and colors, making him look cute and approachable but in his suit the gap was overwhelming. Oguri’s offhand suggestion that Sho only wanted to tell him for sex sparked a flame low in Sho’s belly. It wasn’t like Sho had never thought about it before. Massu was sexy, and the way he looked when he was focused on his work, or the way his voice sounded when he sang made Sho want to pull him into an empty room and have his way with him. He was sure that the guys would guard the door. Nothing would stop him from devouring the man in front of him.

“That you don’t have to pay rent this month?”

“Oh gods, I wish, but no he called to tell me that the gas line got fixed.”

-

Sho swallowed Massu’s moan as he pushed the younger man into the door making it slam shut. The gala forgotten in favor of the privacy of Sho’s apartment. Massu wasn’t as interested anymore given that he could meet Ohno whenever now that he knew he lived Sho.

“Sorry, I’m just a little enthusiastic.” Sho murmured against his lips, struggling out of his jacket, Massu chuckled moving down to kiss and nip at Sho’s neck. Sho pushed Massu’s suit jacket out of the way throwing it back to land somewhere behind them. They were wearing too many layers, and Sho wanted nothing more than to rip all of their clothes off.

“It’s okay I like enthusiastic.” Sho let out a groan as he moved his hips against Massu, his hands coming to untuck Massu’s dress shirt, his fingers brushing against the soft skin on Massu’s stomach, freezing when he discovered firm abs. “Surprised?” Massu asked, leaning back to look at Sho.

“I didn’t think you’d be so defined?”

“It’s my cheeks, everyone thinks I’m chubby.” Sho swallowed. Now he had to see him without a shirt, had to kiss down his chest, run his tongue along the ridges of Massu’s stomach. Sho reached down, fingers itching to pop the buttons open, when Massu’s hands wrapped around his wrists. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to keep my shirt on.” Sho’s eyes snapped back to Massu’s.

“Fine with me, but I also want to keep mine on.” The silence between the two stretched. Something in Massu’s eyes sent an unnerving thrill down Sho’s spine. There was something about him that felt so familiar.

“I’m sure we can find all kinds of fun things to do with our shirts on.” Massu whispered, leaning forward and nipping at Sho’s earlobe, his hand coming down to palm Sho over the fabric of his jeans. Sho let out a low groan, pressing himself more fully against Massu’s hand. His own hands coming up to tangle themselves in Massu’s hair. Massu let out such a delicious whine that Sho pulled his hair back to kiss down his neck.

“Sho, I want you in me.”

“Fuck.”

Sho pushed on Massu’s shoulder, making the younger man kneel in front of him before busying himself with his belt. He shoved his pants and underwear down, shivering when Massu’s warm hand took him. He moaned, bringing a hand against the door for balance as Massu pumped him slowly, the smoothness of his rings contrasting the softness of his hand.

The first press of tongue against the head was electric. Sho opened his eyes, casting them down to look into Massu’s eyes as the red head took him into his mouth. Sho stilled his hips, fighting the urge to thrust into the slick, wet heat. Massu’s hands came up to grip at Sho’s ass forcing him to thrust shallowly and deeply. Sho reached to tangle his fingers in Massu’s hair holding him still as he worked his hips against him. Massu’s moaned and Sho pushed in until he felt Massu’s throat flutter around him.

“You feel so fuckin good, you’re so good.” Sho babbled, and Massu gripped him harder before pulling away, coughing lightly.

“While I am enjoying this immensely, this was not what I had in mind when I said I wanted you in me.” Massu said kissing the tip of Sho’s head before swallowing him back down. Sho moved then, taking a step back and pulling Massu back up, kissing him roughly as he stepped out his pants.  

“Jump.” he grunted. Massu giggled and hopped up. Sho caught him, grinning as Massu wrapped his legs around Sho’s waist and then proceeded towards his bedroom.

“Nice to know that your muscles aren’t just for show.” Sho dropped Massu onto the bed, crawling over him, smirking before capturing his lips again. His hands making quick work of Massu’s pants, before pulling them all the way down. Massu’s cock stood proud, flushed a pretty red. Sho’s mouth watered.

“Are you just going to stare at it or...?”

“Are you always this fuckin’ chatty? I think I liked you more when my dick was in your mouth.” Sho said, smiling and reaching over to grab the lube and condoms, he slicked up his fingers coming down to rub at Massu’s entrance. Relishing the whine that escaped Massu’s mouth.

“Only with you, only with you.”

Sho pressed a finger in slowly while leaning down to lick up Massu’s cock, before slowly working his lips over the head. Above Massu hissed, a hand coming to his mouth while the other clenched tightly at Sho’s black sheets. Sho moaned at the heady taste of precum, and slowly began moving his finger in a slow circle while his other hand cradled Massu’s balls massaging them lightly. Massu whined, his hand coming to pet at Sho’s head lovingly.

“Please more, Sho, you’re going too slow.” Sho smiles around Massu’s cock, slurping before letting it fall out of his mouth. He leaned up licking his way into Massu’s mouth as he added another finger and began to move pump them quickly, scissoring them, and avoiding the spot inside of Massu.

Massu moaned lowly, and Sho’s dick twitched, Sho lowered himself again, staring at the dress shirt that he wasn’t allowed to remove. A hot lick of lust snapped through his spine, it was almost as if they were hiding this, keeping enough clothes on to make it easier to get away. Sho swallowed. He hadn’t had sex like this in such a long time.

He pumped Massu, sucking right under the crown before swallowing him down and pushed a third finger in. It was taking all of Sho’s self control to not hump the sheets at the half bitten words and choked out moans coming out of Massu’s mouth. He moaned around Massu’s dick as the redhead reached down to grip at Sho’s hair tugging him off roughly.

“Please fuck me, please fuck me.” Massu babbled. Sho surged up, kissing Massu roughly, his hands hurrying with the condom before lining himself up. Sho pushed in slowly, a shiver wracking its way down his spine the further into Massu’s tight heat he got.

“You feel so good, so good, so perfect.” Sho mumbled against Massu’s lips and the younger man whined, his hands coming to wrap around Sho’s neck keeping him place as he began to rock his hips against Sho. His weeping dick catching on Sho’s shirt.

“Move, come on, come on, move.” Massu groaned out, trying to fuck himself on Sho’s dick while Sho kept himself as still as possible. “Come on, _please._ ” Sho snapped his hips up, making them groan loudly. Sho reached down between them, taking Massu’s dick in his hand pumping him at the same punishing rhythm he’d set. He angled his hips just right and Massu seized, a high pitch mewl sipping out of him. Sho smirked bending down to kiss Massu’s neck.

“I’m gonna-” Massu groaned as Sho bit down, he kept his pace, hitting the same bundle of nerves over and over before he twisted his hand just right and Massu came undone under him.

Massu orgasming was the most beautiful thing Sho had ever seen, his cheeks were flushed a pretty pink, his mouth slack, his eyes squeezed shut. He was quieter than Sho expected and then when his body relaxed and he opened his eyes, glazed over still from the pleasure and he smiled, Sho’s orgasm hit him white hot and electric.

They laid side by side, chests still heaving, hands clasped lightly between them.

“Normally, I take a lot longer.” Massu said, sniffing loudly, “but it had been a while since I’d been on the receiving end.” Sho chuckled, leaning forward to kiss him softly.

“It’s been a while in general for me, we can definitely try it the other way next time.”

“I’d like that, do you mind if I take a shower?”

“Go for it, leave your clothes out and I’ll wash them for you. We did get cum all over ourselves. I’ll put a shirt out for you.”

“Deal. I’m uncomfortable if I don’t have layers so if you could put two that would be great.”

“I’m the same way so I’ll do that.”

Sho smiled contently as Massu stood from the bed and walked over to the bathroom, he wondered how satisfying it would feel to bounce on Massu’s dick. He hoped by then he could be shirtless and maybe even convince Massu take his off as well. Sho frowned then.

 _Why didn’t he want to take his shirt off?_ Sho asked himself, standing and disposing of the condom and gathering clothes for Massu. Sho could feel dread pooling in his stomach, before he shook his head. Maybe Massu just wasn’t comfortable enough yet.

He made his way to the bathroom, he could hear the sound of the shower running, he set the clothes on the counter and set to gathering Massu’s soiled clothes. He’d have to text Jun and have him take them to cleaners Massu’s clothes seemed as expensive as Sho’s were. Sho moved to leave the bathroom before he noticed a handkerchief laying on the ground. It was sunflower yellow with a minimalistic tiger embroidered in black. Definitely Massu’s, he bend forward to pick it up, when he accidentally bumped the shower door open. His brow furrowed, he was sure that wasn’t there before.

“Oh! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to! I wasn’t trying to peak or any-” Sho’s eyes widened as he sees the tiger on Massu’s back, proud and snarling. It’s piercing golden eyes chilling Sho’s heart. Sho recognized the peonies, he knows only one family that pairs their tigers with them. He knows because he killed the heir. He knows because late at night when he closes his eyes his ghost stares back at him.

“Sho, I can explain.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains violence and implied child abuse/traumatic situations.

When Sho was 17, he fell in love for the first time.

It was an exceptionally hot summer and Sho regretted not waiting until he was 20 to get his tattoo. What he would do to be able to be shirtless right now. He pulled lightly at the collar of his school uniform scowling, trying to fan himself enough to cool down. He ducked suddenly at the sound of voices. He had to stay hidden. He’d finally managed to shake the others, who claimed to follow Sho out of friendship, but Sho had the sneaking suspicion it was because he was next in line and they were to be his inner court once he took over. Afterall, that’s who their fathers were. Sho sighed in relief as the voices got swallowed up by the sound of cicadas. He walked over to the shrine, sitting down on the ledge. He’d found this old shrine months back and was incredibly thankful for it. He’d never seen anyone here, and he was hidden from the trail by the amass of trees surrounding it. He looked around deciding it was probably safe and stripped out of his school shirt and the black t-shirt he wore underneath, wrinkling his nose at the sweat dampened clothing.

“Oh, a little dragon, you really shouldn’t be taking your shirt off in tiger territory.” the voice behind him was like silk, smooth with a small lilt. Sho jumped to his feet spinning around. The boy in front of him was beautiful, his eyes seemed kind but there was an edge that made Sho square his shoulders and drop his center of gravity.

“Are you preparing to fight me, little dragon? That’s cute.” the boy came down, sitting next to where Sho had been. He leaned back.

“Who are you?” Sho spat out, still bristling.

“Otsuka Tatsuhisa, and who are you, little dragon?”

“I’m Sakurai Sho.”

Their romance started slow, only meeting at the shrine when they were completely alone. They didn’t talk about anything important, nothing too personal. It was almost as if they weren’t _yakuza_ sons but just regular teenagers. Tatsuhisa would talk about school, and how boring it was, or how the baseball coach kept trying to recruit him.

“I’m really good at swinging a bat, don’t get me wrong, but it is not because I enjoy baseball.”

“I get it.” Sho had said with a snort.

“Hey, do you have a woman?” Tatsuhisa’s voice had taken a strange quality to it, almost as if he was nervous. Sho turned to him.

“Yeah, I have women, do you?”

“Of course, but I also have men.”

“Men?” This time it was Sho’s turn to be nervous. He could feel his heart start beating wildly in his chest. Men, he’d never dared to think about it, but Sho knew deep inside that what he longed for was not the soft curvature of a woman's body. Tatsuhisa leaned closer, his hand coming up to Sho’s neck.

“Curious?” Tatsuhisa’s voice dropped to a breathy whisper and Sho could feel the words on his lips. He gave a curt nod. Kissing Tatsuhisa was unlike kissing a woman, their lips were always sticky with lipgloss, always tasted chemical and overly sweet.

Later, Sho would hide his face in the crook of his elbow as Tatsuhisa licked and sucked him, later Sho would bite his lip so hard it bled when Tatsuhisa ate him out while scissoring his fingers, brushing lightly at a spot inside him that made fireworks explode in his blood. Later, Tatsuhisa would trace the dragon on Sho’s back, blood red and proud, Tatsuhisa would lean down and kiss the cherry blossoms that cascaded down along the sides of his ribs, Sho would deny the broken moan that crawled out of this throat as Tatsuhisa finished inside of him. He would watch then, while dressing himself as the tiger on Tatsuhisa’s back stood so regal, showing his teeth in defiance as the deep purple and blue peonies fluttered beside it.

“Your tattoo is beautiful.” Sho would murmur, kissing the the gleaming golden eye. It was almost as if the tiger was seeing Sho’s soul. He could only hope he measured up.

-

When Sho was 19 the Otsuka-gumi crossed into their turf.

When Sho was 19 the Otsuka-gumi stormed into three brothels and killed the women there.

When Sho was 19 he had more than his heart shattered.

-

“Are you an Otsuka?” Sho’s voice was low. His heart thumped painfully in his chest. “You must be with that tiger.”

“Sho, please, I can explain.” Massu wrapped a towel around his waist. Sho looked up his eyes connecting with his. Massu looked scared, his hands out, palms showing, _Look, I have no weapons_ , he seemed to be saying, Sho felt his anger burn hotter. _You don’t need any weapons when your family stole everything from me_.

“Who even are you? Is your name even Masuda Takahisa?” Sho felt so stupid. He’d given his heart out to the enemy _again_. Massu knew him, even more than Tatsuhisa. With Massu he hoped for a future where they would grow old together. With Massu he’d felt safe. The name Masuda vibrated painfully in his chest. There was a memory attached to it. Sho could feel the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was a memory he repressed. One he ignored. From a time that only came to him when the weather reminded him of the pins in his hand. It was almost as if the fever was back. His breathing was shallow, hands shaking at his sides.

“Please calm down, Sho please let m-” Sho punched the wall.

“Did you know who I was?”

“Sho, let’s get dressed, go to the living room, and talk, please.” Massu reached for him. Sho flinched back and Massu’s lip quivered.

“No. Answer my questions.”

“My name is Otsuka Takahisa, and yes, I knew who you were before we even met.”

“Get out.”

“Sho, if you coul-”

“Get out! Get your shit and get out!” Sho raised his voice. Massu stared at him, pain etched clearly on his features. Sho’s heart rattled painfully, and his breathing got even more erratic. Sho could feel his eyes prickle with tears. _Do not let him see you cry_. Sho spun, stomping his way first, to his bedroom to put on some sweats, then to his apartment door.

“Toma! Toma! Get him out! I don’t want him here!” Sho yelled into the hallway, he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. He didn’t want to see Massu - no - Otsuka, leave. Sho cursed quietly, Toma wouldn’t be there, he was probably still at the gala, and even if he wasn’t Sho had told Toma he wasn’t allowed near his apartment. It was comical to see Toma hug the wall whenever they all got invited to Aiba’s, but now Sho’s desire for privacy was biting him in the ass. Sho heard soft foot falls, before Toma’s cologne wafted near him. Sho felt reassurance flow through his body. Of course Toma would be there, because Toma was Toma and finding loopholes in direct orders was always his specialty.

“My boss wants you to leave, I’ll allow you to get dressed and then I’ll see you out.” Toma’s voice calmed Sho down. It was cold and detached and Sho could see the hard expression on Toma’s face. Sho wondered if the expression still looked a little off. When they were younger, Sho always had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Toma was a happy guy, usually had a friendly smile on his face, but Sho had to admit the way Toma could just switch between his projected self and the self he was for the family was chilling. There were more footsteps and the smell of an old library mixed with a faded touch of smoke hit his nose. Sho opened his eyes frowning as he watched Kato bend to pick up Massu’s discarded coat, and straightening Massu’s shoes.

“If it’s any consolation Sakurai-kun, this isn’t how he wanted you to find out.” Kato sighed.

“No? And how did he want me to find out? With a knife to my neck or a bullet through my skull?”

“Do you have any right? When were _you_ going to tell him? Also you don’t need to walk him out, we’ll escort him ourselves.” Sho turned as he watched Tegoshi walk in, his body tensing. They were currently out numbered.

“Sho-sama,” Toma said, his eyes staring straight at both Kato and Tegoshi, “if you wouldn’t mind waiting in your bedroom, I’ll knock when Masud-”

“Otsuka.” Sho corrected his eyes zeroing in on Kato’s and Tegoshi’s wince.

“I’ll knock when Otsuka-san is out of our building, also....” Toma said coming closer and placing himself between them and Sho.

“ _Aniki_!” Sho felt a knot in his chest loosen slightly.

“Ueda has returned from Shanghai.” Toma finished as Ueda Tatsuya made his way into the room. His hair was shorter and spiker than the last time Sho had seen him, and was now colored a cool, greyish blond. He frowned at Tegoshi and Kato as he pushed passed them, glaring at them and putting himself in front of Toma.

“Who are these?”

“Otsuka’s.” Ueda sucked in a breath, turning to face Toma, his glare intensifying.

“Why the fuck are there Otsuka-gumi near _aniki_ again, what the fuck have-”

“That is enough.” Toma said straightening, “there was some misinformation given to us.”

“Misinformation?! Isn’t that your whole job?”

“My job is to ensure Sho-sama is safe, you also report to me, Ueda, so I suggest you check your attitude.” Toma turned briefly, “My apologies Sho-sama, Ueda forgot his manners abroad, I’ll correct that. Now if you could please head towards your room.” Sho gave a curt nod, unbuttoning his shirt as he went letting it drop behind him, Massu exited the bathroom as Sho pulled his undershirt off. Sho walked passed him without a word. He could feel Massu’s gaze hot on his back, could feel him tracking the dragon. Sho could only hope it looked as savage and angry as he felt.

“Sho please if you could jus-” a hair breath of movement, and then he felt as Toma and Ueda took a step towards them.

“Otsuka-san, if you could refrain from touching my boss. He’s made his position clear. If you will please follow me I’ll escort you all out.”

“I _said_ there was no need, Koyama is waiting for us downstairs with the car already. We will take our leave.” Tegoshi’s voice rang clear like a bell, “Let’s go, Massu.” Sho walked into his bedroom and shut the door, leaning against it and sliding down. He held his head in his hands as tears began to drip down his cheeks. He swallowed a sob as he heard his front door click shut. Belatedly, he realized in his clenched fist he was still holding Massu’s handkerchief.

-

Sho’s chest rattled painfully. He watched as his younger self dressed in a sleek black suit walked into the brothel. A handkerchief pressed to his nose, the smell of the dead here was overwhelming. He approached Oguri-san, who was crouched down next to a body. He lifted her arm, before letting go and watched as it dropped down with a thump. Sho winced, recalling the time Shun had done the same with that boy’s arm; his heart squeezed. He wondered not for the first time if that boy had died. He watched as his younger self continued to walk around the room, this self didn’t care yet. This self hadn’t been betrayed yet.

“How many did we lose, Oguri-san?” He asked, watching as Oguri-san raised himself up. Oguri Tatsuya glanced at him, rolling his shoulders. Sho swallowed thickly, Oguri’s dad had always scared him. He was not as warm as Jun’s, or as funny as Toma’s, nor was he as calm as Ueda’s. He didn’t spend his time in the kitchens like Okura’s, he didn’t play soccer with them like Yamada’s. No, Oguri’s dad was stoic, never saying much unless he had to. Sho always felt as if Oguri-san was waiting for Sho to mess up and introduce his son as the next heir. Afterall, Oguri was the next oldest, Sho’s little brother was only seven years old, his father wouldn’t appoint him as an heir, not at first, and by the time he was old enough, Oguri would have already been assimilated as the leader. Not that it mattered, Sho didn’t want to be head of the family anymore, so he didn’t much care if Oguri took it over. He’d found a different dream with Tatsuhisa.

“We lost all 20 of the girls, including Ryosuke’s mother. She was the mama of this establishment.” Oguri-san pulled a black handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his hands, “poor boy, only 8 years old and already motherless. She didn’t go down without a fight. Yukari-san was as deadly as she was beautiful. She killed one of them and hurt one of them enough that his family left him for dead.”

“Who was it?” Sho asked. Oguri-san nodded his head towards some of their men huddled around two bodies. He moved towards them, stepping carefully around a body, inadvertently stepping into a puddle of blood.

“Sho-sama, we’ve been waiting.” Ikuta-san said, pulling a knife from his pocket, and slicing through the dead man’s suit. Sho felt his heart drop like lead at the sight.

“Looks like we have some tigers here.” Okura-san said with a whistle. “Ueda, how’s that one doin’? Still breathing?”

“He is, but won’t be for much longer. I’ll need to move him to my office.” Ueda-san said, standing. He directed some men to take the injured man carefully out of the establishment. “I’ll keep him alive....Sho-sama?” Sho blinked out of his stupor, glancing over to where Ueda-san was standing. “Everything alright? You seem like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Everything is quite alright, if you’ll excuse me.” Sho turned his heel, moving as quickly as he could without breaking into a run.

“Sho?” Jun asked from where was crouched down examining a body, “Where-”

“Don’t follow me!” Sho snapped, stepping out of the building. He turned, glaring at Toma and Ueda, both of which were standing next to door, cigarettes dangling from their lips. He also glared at Jun frozen at the entrance, concern etched on his features. Toma took a step towards him, Sho grabbed his lapel pulling him to eye level. “If you or anyone else follows me, I will skin you slowly and feed you to the dogs. I will slaughter you all, I mean it. I do not want to be followed.”

“Understood, Sho-sama.” Sho let go, turning and running away. He had to get to the shrine. Sho watched as his younger self ran, he turned to see the boys he had left behind. He wondered now if he hadn’t ran away as soon as he saw the tiger etched on that man’s back, if perhaps his punishment wouldn’t have been as serious. If perhaps his father wouldn’t have shown up.

-

Sho woke up with a start. He hadn’t realized he’d cried himself to sleep, or that he was still on the floor in front of his bedroom door. Someone was lifting him off of the ground. He jerked the person holding him and pulled him even closer to their body, hands tightening.

“Sho, I swear to god I’m going to drop you, hang on.” Sho relaxed marginally at Jun’s voice. He waited until the younger man set him down on the bed before thumping his fist on Jun’s shoulder.

“You could have just shook me awake, there was no need to bridal carry me onto my bed.”

“Of course there was a need, I like having you in my arms.” Jun said with a smirk, Sho rolled his eyes. Jun’s expression softened, “Toma conducted a sweep of the apartment, he didn’t find any listening devices, he also added that he can’t be sure if they skulked around since he doesn’t know what your apartment looked like before we found out about Otsuka-san.” Sho groaned, causing Jun to snort, “He’s never gonna let it go and you know that. Anyway, Ueda went to go talk to the landlord. This is an Otsuka property, I think it would be a good idea if you moved out. Additionally, Ueda says the man confessed that there was never a gas leak in this apartment, so we’re not sure why they wanted you out of it for those three days.”

“My guess is that his father came to town. Didn’t you say Otsuka went to go visit his father two weeks ago?” Toma inquired, entering the room. His eyes darted around before settling on Sho.

“Feel free to look around, and yes he said his dad was sick so he’d gone back to see him and help out with their business. But I guess it could be entirely plausible that his dad came here too. It wouldn’t do good to know that I live here given our history.” Sho paused. He could hear Ueda saying his hello to Oguri in the living room. “Toma can you get the door, I would like to speak to you and Jun privately.”

“Of course, Sho-sama.” Toma said, ending his inspection of the closet and crossing the room shutting the door softly. Jun pulled his phone out shooting a quick text to Oguri. “What’s going on?”

“Ueda.”

“Oh, yes, spectacular timing for him to come back from Shanghai.” Toma said, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms as he leaned against the door. Toma and Ueda had always had a rivalry growing up. Both bickering over who was better suited to protect Sho.

“Why was he there?” Sho crossed his arms, Ueda had grown up with them too, but Ueda-san had kept a tighter leash on him, preventing him from running amok with them as often as they did, and when Sho got kicked out Ueda-san instead locked his son up in a room, as far as Sho knew that’s where Ueda had stayed. Confined inside that house.

“Okura says that the family had started to do some deals in China with the Triad, Ueda being the only one who spoke fluent Mandarin got sent to oversee them. He’s been there for the past three years.” Jun said with a light shake of his head. Sho nodded slowly, his father had always been interested in China, drug money after all was more lucrative than brothels, hitmen, and textiles. More chances of repeat customers when they’re addicted to you.

“Then? Why is he here?” Toma shifted before glancing at Jun, who sighed.

“As you know, the company I work for deals with the underbelly, I am also technically employed by the family. As a favor to my father, I pass on well paying hit jobs to them. Y’know completely unbeknownst to you.”

“Naturally, I no longer belong to that world.” Sho added with a small smirk.

“Naturally, it’s not like you didn’t leave with your inner circle or anything, and it’s not like we were all damn good at our jobs, anyway, Ueda came in this evening to pick up a folder on some poor souls. Ueda being Ueda immediately asked about you, and when I tried to feign ignorance, Toma texted that when he came to do his nightly surveillance he found Koyama, Kato, and Tegoshi waiting outside the building, and it didn’t feel right.”

“So I requested backup, and Jun sent me Ueda.” Toma added quickly, looking at Sho with a sheepish expression. “I never go inside the building when I’m doing this surveillance, this was the first time, promise.”

“Do you think we can trust him?” Sho asked, completely disregarding that Toma just admitted to coming to Sho’s on a nightly basis. Perhaps it would be better to move now. How would he explain this to Ohno? Maybe he could convince Ohno to move with him.

“I think, it's in our best interest to have another person inside of that house. While, I know Okura and Yamada can handle themselves, having more people wouldn’t hurt. Yamada is still very young, younger than you were when you spilled your first blood and Ueda is higher than both of them in that house. He’d be more privy to sensitive information.” While Sho agreed with Jun, it meant nothing if they couldn’t trust Ueda.

“That is not what I asked.” Sho muttered, Jun coughed.

“I think, we can and if he seems even just a little bit shifty, I’ll put his head on a pike and dump his corpse into Tokyo Bay.” Toma said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

“Okay then we trust him.”

-

Sho blinked. The gray sky shining white and hurting his eyes. His younger self burst out of the foliage, panting as he stared at the shrine, Tatsuhisa wasn’t there. Sho ran his fingers through his hair, fisting the orangey blond locks. Really, what was Sho thinking bleaching his hair like that, but this wasn’t the time to judge himself.

“No, no, no, no, no.” Sho said, tone increasing with every utterance. He remembered weeks ago, him and Tatsuhisa were talking when Tatsuhisa asked about establishments in Sakurai-gumi territory. Unlike other _yakuza_ families the Sakurai-gumi didn’t publically claim their brothels, choosing instead to put a wooden dragon motif above the door. You had to be looking for it to see it. It’s what kept their girls safe, it’s what kept their businesses hidden from the cops. And Sho being young, foolish, and in love told him everything. Afterall, Sho was waiting for his 20th birthday to declare his intentions of marriage to not only Tatsuhisa, but also his father. To declare his wish to enter Geidai, his wish to step down as heir, but now, his only hope was that Tatsuhisa was as distraught as he was, that it wasn’t him who betrayed Sho, that he wasn’t who inadvertently caused Sho to betray his own family.

The bushes rustled and Sho spun as Tatsuhisa came through. Sho rushed him, hands twisting themselves in in the fabric of Tatsuhisa’s collared shirt. He felt pinpricks rushing around his body, Tatsuhisa was calm, far too calm.

“What did you do?” Sho asked, his voice warbly from the knot in his throat. “Why did your family attack us?”

“Why do you think, you stupid dragon? We’re taking your family out. Thank you for all the information.” Tatsuhisa’s voice was cold, he shoved Sho away, “Wait, did you think I actually loved you? You’re so stupid. I used you. We’re hitting more of your brothels as we speak.” Tatsuhisa paused, lifting his hand to grip at Sho’s face. He ran his thumb across Sho’s bottom lip. “Actually, you know what? When we storm your house, I’ll take you back to mine and you can be my little prize, spreading yourself open for me like the little slut you are.” Sho stood there frozen, tears falling and landing onto the cobblestone. His blood felt like lead, his heart shattering and splintering his insides. The bushes rustled again. Sho turned, watching as Okura came through the bushes, Sho closed his eyes. Okura had been with his father, if he was here that could only mean one thing.

“You betrayed us?” Sho inhaled sharply, opening his eyes to see his father coming into the clearing. Sho shook his head. “No? Then why are you with an Otsuka? Why was he thanking you for information?”

“I…” Sho swallowed, “It was a mistake....fathe-” the sting on his cheek was sudden, his face flushing at the pain and his mouth filling with the taste of blood. He heard Tatsuhisa’s sharp intake of breath.

“Your _mistake_ cost us the lives of 40 women, your _mistake_ cost Yamada his wife and his children their mother.” Sho’s father paused looking right at Tatsuhisa, “take them back to the house.” He watched as men grabbed Tatsuhisa, who immediately bolted into action. Fighting them off, Sho’s heart ached through it all. Sho didn’t want them to hurt him. There had to be an explanation. Maybe Tatsuhisa was being forced to be this cruel, Sho swallowed. He took a step towards him before his father reached out, hand circling his throat. “Sho, do not make me hurt you in front of this god. One mustn't spill blood at a shrine.” A whimper left his throat as one of the men pistol whipped Tatsuhisa.

-

He’d gotten Oguri to beat the living shit out of him while the rest of them trashed the apartment. Jun walked around collecting things of value, including some art pieces Ohno had laying around.

“Just because we have to make it look like uncultured swine robbed this place, doesn’t mean I’m going to let you harm priceless works of art,” he’d snapped as he saved a sculpture from Ueda. Sho bid them a goodbye before dropping unceremoniously onto the ground near the couch. He’d lay here until someone found him.

“Sho-chan?” Aiba’s voice came maybe 15 minutes after. He could hear his door squeak open. It was nearly off the hinge due to Toma kicking it in. “Oh my god! Sho-chan!” Aiba was next to him in an instant, hands gentle as he tilted Sho’s face. Sho hissed.

“Hey, Aiba-chan.” he croaked with a sad chuckle.

“What happened? Are you alone? I should call someone!” Aiba reached in his pocket fumbling with his phone, “Oh first aid! Do you have a kit?! Wait, I have a kit! Wait here Sho-chan, don’t move!” Aiba’s voice was high and breathless and he ran out of Sho’s apartment, phone pressed tightly to his ear. Sho swallowed. His face was throbbing. Gingerly, he lifted his hand to touch his lip. He clicked his tongue, Oguri had busted his lip. Aiba rushed back in, Kazama on his heels, flicking the light as he went. Sho shut his eyes against the brightness.

“Oh my god, they trashed the place! What happened?” Kazama asked. Sho opened his eyes slowly, “Here, let’s get you up on the couch.”

“Massu left and then as I was getting changed there was a knock on the door, and I thought Massu had forgotten his things here so I went to open it and I got rushed. I don’t know how many there were. I was out of it. I had just woken back up when you said my name. Sho looked around his apartment, “they really went to town, didn’t they?”

“I’ll call Massu. Maybe he saw something! I called Nino, he’s on his way.” Aiba said, pulling his phone back out. Kazama took the first aid kit from him, pulling some gauze and some antiseptic out and wetting the gauze before pressing it to Sho’s face. Sho hissed again. Kazama shot him an apologetic look before continuing to dab the gauze carefully on a cut located on his cheek.

“Don’t bother with Massu, we broke up. Why did you call Nino? Wouldn’t you call the cops?”

“You broke up?!” Aiba froze, his phone halfway to his ear. He quickly put it down ending the call, “Oh, Sho-chan that’s awful! Why? You guys seemed so happy!”

“Masaki, perhaps now is not the time.” Kazama said quietly, “Sorry, Sakurai-kun.” he added. Sho shook his head.

“It’s fine, we just had some issues and decided it was better if we just broke it off, y’know? It just didn’t work out,” he sniffed, “thank you for this.” Sho moved his hands vaguely.

“Sure thing, Sho-chan! I’ll go get you some water from home. I don’t want to mess with anything until the cops get here.”

“Kazama would you mind calling Jun? Oh we should probably call Ohno too, since he lives here.”

“Yeah, I will. I think Nino is with Ohno, so he’ll bring him along.” Kazama said, placing a bandage on Sho’s cheek before moving to get a clean gauze and dabbing along Sho’s lip. He pulled his phone out with his free hand, maneuvering through his contacts before calling Jun.

“Hello? Matsumoto-kun? Hi, this is Kazama. So, someone broke into Sakurai-kun’s apartment….no it’s pretty bad. The place is trashed….Sakurai-kun got injured. I’m giving him some fir-....it doesn’t look super severe but I haven’t checked his ribs or anything….Sho, are you having trouble breathing?”

“No, I’m a bit sore, but I think I’m okay. They really only hit me in the face.” Sho listened as Kazama relayed the message and said his goodbyes to Jun.

“Jun says he’s heading this way.” Sho nodded as Kazama pulled the gauze away from his mouth, “Good, it looks like the bleeding stopped.”

“Here you go, Sho-chan.” Aiba said, handing over a cup of water. “I talked to Nino and he’s bringing Ohno. He also called the cops so they’ll be over soon.” Aiba put an arm gently over Sho’s shoulders, pulling him into his chest. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Sho closed his eyes, letting the comfort of Aiba’s warmth and kindness spread through him.

-

Sho spat out blood, coughing lightly as his father grabbed at his hair, forcing his face up. He’d been tied up to the chair for days. Or had it been it only been a few hours? Sho wasn’t sure anymore. His head felt heavy and he was covered in blood. His father’s face was twisted with rage, unsatisfied with Sho's answers as he questioned him. What else could he say? Sho himself didn’t know why the Otsuka-gumi attacked. He’d been betrayed. Why couldn’t his father see that?

“Fine, if you won’t talk, I’ll bring him here.” Sho’s eyes snapped up to his. “Oh? That got a reaction from you? What else have you told him? How else have you betrayed us?!” Sho’s face snapped violently to the side as his father slapped him again. Sho’s eyes watered but he lifted his head slightly, looking over to his father’s inner court. These men were who Sho looked up to. He’d spent more time with them than with his actual father. He’d expected them to try to calm his father down, to take his side, but instead they stood there stoically, watching as his father beat him over and over and over. “Ikuta! Bring me that boy.” Sho swallowed.

Moments later, he could hear a scuffle before the doors opened and Tatsuhisa was shoved unceremoniously onto the floor. Sho watched as his eyes widened in horror.

“He’s your son.” Tatsuhisa rasped, moving towards Sho, a hand splaying on his thigh for support. His other hand moved to touch Sho’s face gently. Sho could see the anguish in his eyes and against his will, his heart lurched at the warmth seeping from Tatsuhisa’s fingers. Sho’s father carded his fingers through Tatsuhisa’s hair, yanking him away from Sho.

“Don’t you touch him.” his father’s voice was low. Sho watched as his father brought his fist down connecting with Tatsuhisa’s face. Sho winced at Tatsuhisa’s cry of pain. “I thought you didn’t love him.”

“Father, please.” Sho’s voice was wet. He couldn't tell if it was from blood or tears. His father looked up at him before letting Tatsuhisa go. Tatsuhisa lifted his hands to his face and scooted away from his father. Sho’s father stalked over to him, tilting his head up to force eye contact.

“What did he do to you that made you this weak?” Sho’s father turned to face Tatsuhisa again. “Why did you come to us?” Tatsuhisa looked at him defiantly. “You don’t like it when I hit him, do you?” Sho’s blood chilled. He wasn’t sure who he was talking to, but for a brief, terrible second he hoped it was him and his father would hurt Tatsuhisa instead. But Sho’s life was shitty. He made a retching sound as his father punched him in the stomach. He felt the slice of the knife as his father cut his binds. Sho fell onto his hands and knees. His father kicked him in the side and Sho’s ribs protested as he slid on the tatami floor.

“Stop!” Tatsuhisa was screaming and Sho’s father stepped on his left hand as he neared him. Sho hadn’t even noticed when his father picked up a baseball bat. “Please stop! Get off his hand! Please!” Sho opened his eyes. When had he shut them? He wished he had closed them again so he wouldn't have to see Tatsuhisa reaching desperately for his father, trying to push him off, before his father rounded on him, bat connecting with Tatsuhisa’s hip, causing him to fall.

“Restrain him.” his father barked and Sho watched as Ikuta-san and Oguri-san moved to hold Tatsuhisa still. “His hand? Is his hand important?” His father dug his heel in and Sho let out a cry. He reached out to try to push him off but he couldn’t muster any real strength. His father lifted his foot only to slam back down hard on it. Sho could hear Tatsuhisa crying.

“Oh, that’s right.” Sho’s father voice was light and Sho froze. “I searched your room and guess what I found?” Sho swallowed thickly. “University brochures and one acceptance letter for some music school in Tokyo. You liked the piano, didn’t you? Let me tell you, Otsuka, my son is a goddamn angel on the piano. Now you’re going to answer my questions or my son will have to say goodbye to the piano forever.” 

“Father, no please!” Sho tried to pull his hand back. To hide his hands away. To Sho the piano was more than just an instrument, it was his first love. He remembered sitting in his grandmother's lap and later his mother’s while they played sweet songs. A spot of spring in the winter of his life. His father dropped the bat, walking away and grabbing a hammer.

Sho watched from a corner, looking away as his father continued to hurt his younger self. The sounds that left his throat were so ghastly back then. He looked at where his father’s inner court stood like statues. He wondered if it hurt them to watch this as well. He watched as Tatsuhisa crumpled and wailed, begging for Sho’s father to stop.

Moments that felt like years passed. Sho finally started losing consciousness when Tatsuhisa started talking. The Otsuka-gumi didn’t know Tatsuhisa had orchestrated a hit against the Sakurai-gumi. Tatsuhisa did it as a show of strength after his father had found out he was in love with Sho and threatened to take everything from him. Then why hurt him? Sho thought, why tell him that he didn’t love him? Sho would never get a chance to ask. Sho’s father grinned wickedly as he pulled a gun out.

Sho is still grateful that he was unconscious when his father pulled the trigger.

-

Later, when Sho was moved to the room under the house, his hand mangled, his spirit broken, his father leaned in to whisper, “I want you to know this is all your fault.”

-

Cops would always made Sho uneasy. Another part of his upbringing, he supposed. He sat down on the couch, answering the cops questions as vague as he could. No, he hadn’t seen who rushed him, he thinks there was about four of them, but he couldn’t be sure. No, he didn’t know if anyone would want hurt him, he didn’t have many friends on campus. No, he didn’t have any ex-lovers who might feel slighted in someway. Yes, he had just broken up with his boyfriend but he didn’t think he was capable of orchestrating this.

“And who was your ex-boyfriend Sakurai-san? It's just procedure that I follow up on that even if you don’t believe he had anything to do with it.”

“Masuda Takahisa.” Sho said quietly, frowning as the cop in front of him visibly tensed.

“Okay, I will follow up on this. I’m sorry this happened Sakurai-san, do you have a safe place to go?”

“For now, I’m going to go stay at my friend’s house,” Sho said, glancing over to Jun who was standing off to the distance. He was immersed in another conversation with a  different cop about the state of the apartment when he walked in. The cop nodded, standing up and walking over to the cop questioning Ohno. A moment later, Jun walked over to him.

“Did you catch the way the cop looked at you when you said Masuda?” Sho gave a slight nod. “Now, did you catch the way he glanced briefly at Nino?” Sho frowned. No, he hadn’t caught the glance towards Nino. He turned to look at the younger man who was standing opposite of them, talking quietly with a cop. Nino had been the third to arrive to the apartment with Ohno in tow. He’d looked around the apartment methodically. Almost like he had been trained on how to check for possible intruders and not disturb a crime scene. He had also kept his left hand suspiciously close to his hip.

“Hey, didn’t Toma say we had gotten some misinformation? That that’s the reason he didn’t look further into Masuda?”

“He did, do you want to investigate where the information came from?” Sho nodded.

“Also, ask around your company, I want to know who’s turf we’re in. We didn’t have a turf war back when everything turned sour, but there has to be a reason as to why the Otsuka heir was keeping close to me.”

“You did say he said he knew who you were. We’re going to have to question him.” Jun’s voice dropped lower, “I can arrange for Toma and Oguri to do that if you want to avoid him.”

“No, I can be a grown up about it. I’ll go as well. Not for a few days though. Also, clear the schedules tomorrow. We’re getting plastered.” Jun snorted.

“Your wish is my command.” he said, bowing slightly and Sho snorted too.

-

Ueda‘s hand was rough where Massu’s was soft. Sho frowned. He knows he shouldn’t be comparing them right now. Ueda isn’t even really holding his hand. He’s gripping it so tightly, Sho can feel his bones grinding together. This wasn’t even an attempt at romance, this was Ueda pulling him to safety. Because, oh yeah, they’re running from the cops. Sho can feel a bout of giggles bubbling up. Ah, alcohol, his dearest friend.

“ _Aniki_! Please try to be more coordinated, we really can’t be stopped.” Ueda snapped, pivoting and making them run down an alley.

“I’m trying, I really am.” Sho slurred, pulling them down another narrow alley, causing Ueda to curse and trip over his feet. Sho laughed out loud. “Shh! Uepi! Shhhhhhh!” They slid down the wall, chests expanding with every harsh breath. Sho felt exhilarated.

“ _Aniki_ , not that you fighting is never not cool but what possessed you to start one when we were near a police box?” Ueda gasped out.

“Stress relief?” It had felt good to punch that _yakuza_ wannabe right in the face. It’d been really funny when the guy tried to startle Sho despite him being the one to bump into him. Sho couldn’t help but laugh when the guy claimed to be in the _yakuza_ , real family members never announced their status like that. Especially not to strangers on the street. The proper thing would have been for Sho to demand the guy call his boss, and speak to him regarding the situation. Not that Sho could name drop the Sakurai-gumi. Through it all, Sho was a proper _yakuza_ son. There wasn’t anything he could do to shake his blood or his upbringing. Afterall, manners are for when you leave home. Ueda laughed as he shook his head. He reached in his pocket that had started to buzz, the light flashing bright in the dark alley. Sho thought it looked like cameras flashing all at once.

He wondered distantly what that life would be like, smiling for the camera, being on TV. That life seemed so far away, and infinitely more pleasant. He chuckled to himself, he could be a rapper.

“ _Calmly fluttering overhead, Hoist up this vague dream. I can't see the end of this road yet, I can't learn anything unless from mistakes_.” he mumbled to himself, his head lolling side to side.

“ _Aniki_? Hey don’t fall asleep yet. Come on, the coast is probably clear. Let’s get you home.”

“Hey Ueda, can I ask you something?” Sho asked, gripping firmly at the hand Ueda was offering him. They grunted as he hoisted himself off the ground. He slid his arm around Ueda’s shoulders.

“Anything, _aniki_.” Ueda said, wrapping an arm around Sho’s waist helping support him as they made their way back to the main street.

“Why did you and Okura betray me? I thought I said I didn’t want anyone to follow me to shrine, I didn’t even know you guys knew about it.” Ueda froze, startled by the sudden question. “Don’t worry. It’s in the past, I’m not mad about it.”

“We didn’t think your father would come after you like that. We all knew about the shrine, we just didn’t know who you met there. I told Okura because Mai-sama had been questioning him about where you ran off to alone for hours. You always came back happy and so she was worried it was drugs.” Ueda swallowed, “Okura didn’t want to tell him, but your father was questioning Mai-sama, and when she wouldn’t tell him what he wanted, he hit her. Okura couldn’t see her get hurt so he told him.” Sho gave a slow nod, silently adding the sin of hitting his little sister onto their father’s long list of offenses.

“I am so very sorry, we really did-” Ueda’s voice was wavering and Sho gripped him tighter, swaying them side to side.

“It’s okay, Tatsuya, it’s okay.” Sho sniffed. “Let’s get home, I’m so tired.” He sighed dramatically, leaning all of his weight onto Ueda who laughed at him.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

-

Sho laid down next to himself. The world was fuzzier. His younger self shivered violently, the fever was really settling in. He was filthy and smelled worse. Sho wrinkled his nose. This was where he thought he was going to die.

Voices wafted down ever so often. The room under the house was located under his father’s office. It was meant as a punishment room. Sho had had nightmares about it the first time he learned about it. He swore he could hear the screams of men and women alike under his own bedroom even though his room was on the opposite side of the house. Now being in it, Sho realized how cruel this little room was. The floor was stone and a persistent chill in the air held the smell of wet and mold. The walls shrank towards him with every inhale and moved away with every exhale. Sho’s eyes opened, unfocused. He froze at look his younger self was giving him, almost as if he could see him. Impossible, Sho thought. He was wandering around in his memories, he couldn’t interact.

“Who’s there?” his younger self mumbled to himself before he coughed, groaning and holding his right arm closer to his ribs.

“Sir.” Sho looked away from his younger self and towards the vent. It was Oguri-san’s voice.

“What is it, Oguri?” Sho’s father’s voice wafted down. Sho scowled. The man sounded awfully pleased with himself for someone whose son was being kept under his feet.

“Ikuta just returned with some information regarding the Otsuka-gumi.”

“Are they planning to actually attack us this time? Otsuka is old, older than me and has no heir if he tries we’ll kill him and take everything.”

“Sir, it’s just that he does have an heir. He has a second son.” Matsumoto-san said, “He’s a bastard and has been living out in Nerima with his mother and her parents it seems.” His father let out a low hum.

“You think he’ll be a problem?”

“He’s fifteen, sir. So, no I don’t believe so, he seems harmless.”

“Well, if he ever proves differently we’ll kill him too. Who do we have near Nerima?”

“The Aoki’s just moved to Tokyo, I’m sure I can arrange them to move to Nerima, forgive some of their debt. They have a son around that age.” he heard some shuffling and the sound of a journal’s pages being flipped, “They have a 16 year old son named Tomohisa.”

“Last I heard about that Aoki was that he’s a real piece of work. Tell you what, ask and see if the missus is actually happy with him. If she's not, tell her to move to Nerima and we’ll facilitate her divorce.” Sho rolled his eyes at his father, of course he’d had a hand on Aoki Tomohisa becoming Yamashita. His mother was a beautiful woman.

“Very well, I’ll see to it.” There was a pregnant pause.

“Oh, out with it Oguri.”

“What will you be doing about Sho-sama?” Sho moved, deciding instead to sit next to the wall so he could keep an eye on his shivering form. He was dying. He could see, and smell, the infection settling in. He wasn’t sure how many days he spent under there before his father’s inner circle convinced him that having Sho die under the house was a terrible idea. It was clear, to everyone now, that Sho hadn’t been aware of Tatsuhisa’s plan. The Otsukas had, in fact, denounced Tatsuhisa, offering his head as an apology for the women as well as compensating them handsomely and really, hadn’t Sho suffered enough? The details of his memory began to haze again. He wasn’t sure how much more Oguri and his father talked. Time was meaningless in that room. Then suddenly, as if struck with the utmost clarity, he remembers.

“Tell me one last thing. What’s the bastard’s name?”

“Masuda, sir. Masuda Takahisa.”

-

Sho can feel the headache mounting like two ice picks pressing into his temples slowly. His stomach gurgled unhappily, his mouth dry, and tasting awful. Gods, how much had he drank? He could hear the far away sounds of someone in the kitchen, the soft chatter that came with the morning news. Sho sat up slowly, his body protesting. His knuckles were bruised and he had a new bruise on his cheek to accompany his healing ones. Slowly, he pushed the covers off of himself, swinging his legs down. He made his way out of Jun’s bedroom, nearly colliding into Toma on his way into the bathroom.

“Good morning, Sho-sama.” Toma grunted at him, bowing slightly. Toma’s bed hair was incredible and Sho wished he had his phone.

“Good morning, Toma.” Sho replied, stepping in the restroom. He did his morning routine on autopilot, then spent about 5 minutes inspecting his face.

“Y’know Oguri, when I said you could beat me up, I really thought you’d have a harder time actually doing it.” Sho said with a rueful smile, sitting down next to him at the table. Jun placed a bowl of rice in front of him.

“Do you remember, when we were around 15 and you hit me with a broomstick? I’ve been secretly dreaming about punching you ever since. So I’m sorry that I was working through 8 years worth of anger.” Oguri said, smiling before taking a drink of tea. “Hey Toma, what time did Ueda leave?” Oguri asked, ignoring as Sho snorted beside him.

“Hm?” came Toma’s sleepy voice from the couch. He propped himself up, squinting towards the table. “What?”

“Ueda, when did he leave?” Oguri asked again, poking Sho in the side causing Sho to fall into a fit of giggles. Jun sat down in front of him giving him a confused look handing him a cup of tea, Sho lifted it to his lips nodding his thanks.

“Oh, uh around 4 am, I told him that when he found himself alone with Okura or Yamada to tell them that he saw a red flower blooming outside of an old shrine.” Sho choked on the tea.

“What?” he managed after coughing a bit, Oguri patted his back.

“It’s the code. They’ll know what it means.” Toma’s voice was muffled as he slid back down into the couch.

“Code for what? What does it mean? How come no one told me we had a code?”

“It means he’s with us, and we’re with you.” Jun said, quietly smiling in a way that had Sho’s heart filling with warmth. Toma shot up suddenly walking over to the table and sitting next to Jun. He reached for some of the bread in the middle of the table.

“This reminds me, I looked into my source when I asked about Masuda,” he said before taking a big bite, “He told me he heard it from somewhere else but didn’t tell me who, when I tried calling him again the phone line was disconnected. I’ll find him and ask face to face.” Sho nodded picking up a _tamogoyaki_ and chewing carefully.

“And you, Jun? Any luck on figuring out who’s turf we’re in?”

“I haven’t gotten a straight answer out of anyone yet, but the way they tensed when I told them I was Sakurai-gumi, makes me think we’re in Otsuka-gumi territory. They’re closer and if not them, then a family who was warned about our past.”

“What other families are out here?” Oguri asked, lifting his bowl of miso.

“Matsuda Shota’s family is from Sunigami, but aside from that the only close one is Otsuka-gumi,” Jun added with a shrug eating some salad quietly. “In any case, we need to talk to Otsuka and figure out why he was keeping close to you.”

“We should definitely arrange that soon, but we need neutral ground.” Toma said.

“We could meet at the cafe, Mori-chan has the key to the back office. You guys remember her right? Mori Izumi?” Sho said, putting more rice in his mouth. Jun’s chopsticks clattered on the table, Oguri choked on his miso and Toma stared at him with wide eyes, a blush kissing the apples of his cheeks.

“Sho….how long have you worked with her?” Jun asked a little breathlessly. Mori Izumi was more than just an airheaded cheerful bubbly girl, she was a force to be reckoned with. She was also capable of kicking all their asses, not to mention Toma had been in love with her since she punched him in the face when he was 12.

“She’s the reason I started working there. She got me the job.”  Sho smiled.

“Sho-sama is that the reason I wasn’t allowed at the cafe?” Toma asked, his voice light.

“Yup! She said she didn’t want to see you until she became a proper woman, and we did what we had to. So I kept you away from the cafe. But right now, it’s neutral ground.” Sho drank the last of his tea, “I’ll contact her and find out when the owner is gone and she’s in charge. We can sneak in through the back door. It’s slowest around 3am.” The doorbell rang, causing them all to frown. It was 10 in the morning on a Sunday, they weren’t expecting any guests. Ohno had gone to live with his parents for the meantime and they didn’t have plans to meet until Wednesday to search for apartments. Toma stood, making his way to the door slowly. He was followed by Oguri, then Jun, and Sho. Sho held his breath as Toma opened the door eyes widening before a brilliant smile made it to his face.

“ _Aniki_!” Ueda announced happily, “I bring the cavalry!” his smile was wide but not as wide as Okura’s and Yamada’s behind him.

“Sho-sama!” Okura said, pushing past the rest of them before wrapping his arms tightly around Sho. Sho held him back just as tight. “Mai-sama sends her regards, additionally here-” Okura pulled a burner phone out of his jacket, “She wanted me to give you this. It has hers and Shu-sama’s number programmed on there. She wanted me to tell you that they miss you dearly.” Sho grabbed the burner phone from Okura. He hadn’t been able to speak to his siblings since he left that house and he missed them something fierce. He could feel tears prickling the edges of his eyes.

“Thank you so much for this.” Sho uttered breathlessly before engulfing Okura in a tight hug again. He let him go to turn his attention to the youngest member of their group. Yamada Ryosuke looked so much like his mother now. His skin fair and pretty, no wonder people treated him like a prince.

“Sho-niisan, I’m so glad you’re well. I also bring gifts from Shu, mostly letters. Additionally, I’ve ensured that Shu hasn’t spilled any blood.” he said, his voice far too serious for his age. Sho wrapped his arms around him too, ruffling his hair.

“Thank you as well, you have no idea how much I appreciate that,” Sho said before letting go, a fierce smile gracing his face. “Well then, shall we begin planning for my little coup d'etat?”

“Your parents and the inner circle are leaving for Hokkaido to visit Yunokawa onsen, so that should give us a few days. They left me and Ueda in charge.” Okura said, nodding in thanks as Jun placed a cup of tea next to him.

“That should give us time to make a trapdoor leading from the cell under your father’s office into the office itself.” Ueda added, “it would be real poetic _aniki_ , if you came out of there to kill your father. That was the last room you ever saw in that house before he kicked you out.”

“Yeah, it really would.” Sho said, smiling darkly. He’d dreamt about it before. Coming through the tatami watching his father cower in fear of his presence before Sho stabbed him in the throat.

The plan itself was pretty straight forward, Yamada would _accidentally_ start a fire in the main kitchen before meeting up with Okura, who in turn, would have taken Sho’s mother, Mai, and Shu on an excursion to Kyoto. Which in all actuality was the location of a safe house belonging to the Maruyama-gumi. Their heir, Ryuhei, was close friends with Okura and therefore declared his family on Sho’s side.

During the panic of having a fire set, Sho and rest would sneak in. While waiting for Ueda to herd Sho’s father toward his office, Sho would be hiding in the room under it. From there, he would execute his father. Preferably, Sho would like them not to hurt their own fathers so they would have to figure out a way to get his father’s inner circle away from him. The only one who truly deserved to die was Sho’s.

“Sho, your father is a monster. Truly a monster. If I have to kill my father for you to get revenge, I will.” Jun said, his voice unwavering, Sho swallowed.

“I understand that, but please I need you all to know, I would _never_ ask that of you. My little brother is the heir. As long as our father is dead they will have to listen to him.” Sho paused, “the only thing is, how will we be able to get Shu to claim his position as leader? He’s not the true heir until he spills first blood because our father is a psycho.”

“I can arrange for that, sir.” Yamada said, pulling his backpack close and pulling out a file. “This guy here owes us money, and we’re tired of waiting for it. So your father is planning on having Shu kill him. Now this guy knows the ‘young prince’ is out for his head, however, Shu really doesn’t want to kill anyone, a fact that is pissing your father off. The only reason he hasn’t acted out against Shu is because I’ve been dispatching the lower thugs your father sends his way.” Sho blinked at him.

“How many people have you, as you put it, dispatched, Yamada?” Yamada froze at all of them looking at him suddenly. Sho was 14 the first time he spilled blood and 17 when he got his tattoo. His first blood wasn’t even an assignment, it had been self defense. A man who owed money decided to swipe Sho on his way back home. He tried to kill Sho but Sho had been faster at getting to the gun. Sho blinks the memory growing fuzzy. Thinking back, that was the proudest Sho’s father had ever been of him.

“7, he can’t prove who’s killed them only that they ended up dead. But with this guy, he is keeping me at the house.” Sho blinked at Yamada, his heart breaking for him. When had Yamada started killing to protect his little brother? It had to have started after Sho left that house. Meaning Yamada was only eight. At twelve, the most Sho and the rest got up to was brawls and those were mostly amongst themselves.

“I’m sorry Yama-chan, but I’m failing to see how this guy ends up dead and Shu doesn’t kill him.” Okura said, leaning closer to the file.

“I’m getting there, Tacchon! Anyway, before I was interrupted, as you know from growing up in this house, there’s other kids near Shu. We have Chinen Yuri, who is deceptively sweet. Your father has overlooked him and is sending him with Shu to deal with this guy. Along with Nakajima Yuto and Arioka Daiki. After Chinen kills him, they’ll make it look like Shu did it.”

“I can’t believe my father is sending elementary school kids to kill men.”

“Hey, Dai-chan is in middle school!” Yamada said, indignation in his voice. Sho bit back the urge to chuckle.

“So ideally, this should happen before my father leaves for Hokkaido. I really don’t want to have you guys kill this guy. Toma, how long would it take you to familiarize yourself enough with this guy to be able to be there when they show up to kill him?”

“About three days, looking at his file he works at a moving company, he looks like someone they don’t respect, so, with my boyish charm and calling him senpai, I’m sure I can get him to invite me for drinks. Ueda, when is Sho-sama’s father leaving for Hokkaido?”

“In about two weeks.” Sho sucked in a sharp breath. Two weeks. Everything ended in two weeks. He squeezed his eyes tight. He’s been out of that house for 5 years, 7 months, 3 weeks, and 4 days. In two weeks time, he was returning.

“Sho?” came Jun’s voice, a hand gripping his shoulder tightly. Sho opened his eyes, lifting his head and seeing his men, his friends. No, to call them that wasn’t quite right either. Not when these men were laying down their lives for him. Not when they were giving up the life they’d always known for Sho. These men were his family. Sho shot them a bright smile.

“I’m fine.” he said, nodding. He placed his hand in the middle, his smile brightening even more when Toma placed his on top, soon followed by everyone else. “Then, let’s start operation: burn the house down!” Sho’s smile grew fonder as his family snorted, and laughed before they composed themselves and gave him a resounding cheer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sho's Believe rap translation by [yarukizero](https://yarukizero.livejournal.com/38916.html)


	3. Chapter 3

Sho expects a slap or even a punch, a violent action of any kind really when he knocks on the back door of Aozora Cafe at 3 in the morning on Thursday. What he’s not expecting is Mori-chan’s arms wrapping tightly around him and a breathless, _I’m so glad you're alright._

Sho really should have seen this coming. The last time he disappeared overnight from Mori Izumi’s life was when he was held prisoner in own home. Whispers that the oldest son had died made the rounds via housewives with too much time on their hands, and rumours that people had been seen taking a corpse out of the house made their way to her ears via school children swapping urban legends at the playground. For all intents and purposes, Sakurai Sho had died but she couldn’t get a confirmation because that same month, the rest of her friends disappeared too.

_I heard that they went camping and their car drove over a cliff._

_I heard they were in the mountains and there was a landslide._

_I heard they went to Hokkaido and got stuck outside during a blizzard._

The ending to each story was the same: _their bodies were never found_.

Izumi had worried herself sick for months, grasping tightly to any piece of information like crushed up camellias. Eventually she gave up, resigning herself to never knowing. Such was the fate for having made friends with _yakuza._

 _Good riddance_. Her dad had said, _maybe now you’ll focus on Judo and stop acting like a little delinquent._  Izumi rolled her eyes, yeah perhaps she would. Eventually, she moved to Mitaka, a district close enough so her parents wouldn’t worry but far enough that the ghosts of her childhood friends couldn’t haunt her around every corner.

Imagine her surprise when she happened upon Sho, alive and with a shine to him that she’d never seen. Sho, ridiculous dorky Sho, no longer hiding behind the bravado of proving himself. No longer using anger as a personality trait, no longer feeling like a rabid caged animal. He was a Sho she’d known was there all along. They’d ran at each other laughing breathlessly as he spun her in the air. Her heart had throbbed. If Sho was alive, it meant the others were too. If Sho was alive, so was Toma. Beautiful, wonderful Toma.

When Izumi was a little girl, she met Sho and thought he was a little prince and she, a princess. She’d told her mom she was going to marry him during the summer the following year. Her mom had laughed and told her she’d have to wait till she was older, perhaps fate had different plans. Izumi had told her that was impossible, she was meant for Sho, she was meant for a little prince, a storybook ending. When she was 9 however, she met Toma for the first time. Covered in mud and scrapes. He was loud and friendly, too much energy in his bones, her dad had said. Izumi had turned her head away. Toma wasn’t a prince, not even close. It wasn’t until they were older and she saw him for who he really was, Ikuta Toma, son of Ikuta Hideki, the watchful eyes of the Sakurai-gumi. It was then that she realized Toma was more than just a kid. Toma was grown compared to her. She was a little girl who still believed in fairy tales and brilliant white weddings. Izumi noticed that her eyes had stopped following Sho a long time ago. Now, she could only focus on Toma. Her eyes kept track of how he smiled less, how it seemed that the light that shone so brightly was dimming. Each week brought new bruises, new marks of fights she never saw but heard whispers about.

The thing about Minato was that the whispers were ever present. Everyone had something to say about the Sakurai family. At first, Izumi hadn’t realized they were a _yakuza._ She thought that perhaps Sho was a prince and that’s why so many people lived in his house, why Sho was pampered, why Sho could just grab what he wanted from the stores and never pay. It wasn’t until Sho was kidnapped when they were 14 that she overheard her parents talking about it.

 _It’s terrible, he’s Izumi’s age._ Her mom had said quietly, a cup of tea steaming in front of her. Her dad had scoffed.

 _They’re yakuza, what did they expect?_ The words echoed in her head for days. Sho eventually came back, and no one talked about it ever again, but Izumi couldn’t shake the persistent chill in heart. It was like she was stuck in winter. Belatedly, she realized they all were.

She couldn’t even remember why she punched Toma in the face when she was 14. All she remembered was the dazed, almost reverent way he looked at her with a flushed face. She had stormed off then, running down the street and towards her family’s home. She remembers complaining loudly to her mom about Toma, and the secret smile her mom had given her.

 _Darling, isn’t that love_ ? Her mom had said and Izumi had shrieked because no, no, it wasn’t. But it was, and she held onto the feeling. And if she placed better in Judo matches when she heard that Toma had a girlfriend, that was no one's business but her own. If she suddenly made too much food and therefore had to share it with Sho and by extension Toma, when she heard he was single that was also no one’s business. Years continued to pass by, and Izumi figured she’d tell Toma her feelings eventually but the timing was always off. Izumi had planned to do a big gesture during her coming of age ceremony. She’d even picked out a beautiful gold and emerald _furisode_ for the occasion. She was giddy with excitement but then they all disappeared and she attended the coming of age with other friends. For once, no one mentioned the Sakurai family.

Mori-chan let Sho go, taking a moment to sweep over his face, taking in the bruises. She felt fury skating down to her bones.

“Toma.” her voice was quiet, but Sho could hear as the men behind him stood a little straighter. “I thought it was your job to make sure Sho didn’t get hurt.” She looked around Sho, eyes connecting with Toma, who shivered visibly, his face flushing. Sho tightened his hands on her waist to keep her in front of him. Her eyes snapped back to his and Sho smiled softly at her.

“It’s okay, I told Oguri to beat me up, needed an excuse to move out of my apartment. I’ll explain later, can you let us in?” Mori-chan nodded before smiling and leaning in to kiss a bruise on his cheek, sweet and chaste. Sho wonders if maybe a different life had different plans for them. He remembers the way Ueda’s phone had flashed in the alley. Mori-chan stepped to the side as Sho ventured inside, making his way quickly towards the office. He turned away from Mori-chan greeting the rest behind him. This moment was private.

“This office is small.” Toma said when he entered, and Sho glanced at him, Toma’s face was still flushed, his face fighting a smile, “I won’t be able to swing a baton in here without knocking everything off the walls.” Sho laughed.

“Why is it that you immediately go to violence?” Mori-chan said from behind him, an exasperated note in her words.

“Where else would I go?” Toma said turning to look at her, the smile he was fighting emerging fully on his face. Mori-chan rolled her eyes, stepping further into the office to let Oguri and Jun in as well. She smiled brightly.

“I’m so glad you guys are okay and alive. I mean, I knew you were but knowing and seeing are different and I missed you all so much.” Mori-chan’s eyes welled with tears that didn’t fall. She let out a breath, shaking her head slightly, her smile remaining. “Now, if you excuse me I have to go make sure the newbies aren’t breaking all of our cups. I’ll have you know Sho-chan, they’re worse than Keii-chan in that respect.” Sho winced, and the rest of them shuffled uncomfortably on their feet.

“Please, do not tell me that the gentle creature known as Koyama Keiichiro is also like you. Please, please, tell me that is a lie and that I don’t just somehow keep making friends with _yakuza_ , because I will scream.” Sho smiled gently at her sitting down in the plush chair. Oh, no wonder Nagase never left the office if he could help it, this chair was comfortable.

“Son of a _bitch_!” Mori-chan exclaimed suddenly, “Which family does he belong to? Because now I have to add it to the list.”

“How many families do you know?” Jun asked, turning from where he’d been inspecting various knicknacks on the desk.

“Let’s see, counting you guys, I know people from the Matsuda-gumi, Maruyama-gumi, Takizawa-gumi, Nakama-gumi, Miyake-gumi and now whatever family Keii-chan belongs to, y’know I moved to Mitaka to get away from reminders of _yakuza_ and yet, this town is full of them.”

“Wait, do you know who’s turf we’re in?” Jun asked, “I’ve been trying to find out, but no one can give me a straight answer.”

“Of course they aren’t, we aren’t in anyone’s turf. Mitaka is neutral ground, not one family can move against another, though I do think you guys are the first of the Sakurai-gumi to come this way. Now, if you want to know which family has the most members here then it’s Otsuka-gumi. The heir goes to school here under a different name.” Mori-chan said with an easy shrug, “if you’ll excuse me, I really do need to head to the front. I’ll come back when your guests show up.”

-

There was a knock on the door and Sho had approximately two seconds to brace himself before the door swung open.

“Your guests, Sakurai-sama.” Mori-chan with a polite smile and bow of head. She lifted her eyes and Sho’s heart warmed. Mori-chan was clearly picking a side. Sho watched as Koyama turned away. Koyama liked Mori-chan, constantly professed his love while she danced around his confessions. For a while, Sho had rooted for Koyama, but then Sho saw the way Mori-chan had held Toma before he entered the office. Koyama never had a chance, Mori-chan was already spoken for. Koyama entered the room, followed by Tegoshi and Kato, until finally Massu appeared before him. Sho felt as if someone had punched him because suddenly, he couldn’t get enough air. It wasn’t fair. Massu was so beautiful and Sho’s heart beat desperately against his chest. He wasn’t prepared to see him again. Under his pain, Sho felt love.

“Sho? What happened to your face?” Massu said, eyes taking in the fading bruises. He stepped towards Sho causing Toma and Oguri to stand in front of him suddenly. Massu froze, holding his hands up. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to look, I’ll stay away from your boss, okay? We’re just here to talk, right?” Massu swallowed. “Koyama, I need you to all step out of this room right now.”

“What? Massu, we’re not going to leave you here with them, last time an Otsuka heir was left alone with a Sakurai, they killed him.”

“I know that, okay, I know that. I trust Sho, so I am ordering you out of this room.” Massu’s voice was steady, Koyama closed his eyes letting out a slow breath.

“Okay, fine with me, but if we’re leaving so are they, in a show of good faith and all.” Koyama’s voice had an edge to it that Sho had never heard before. Koyama was friendly to a fault and Sho had never actually seen the other man angry at anything. He approached life with such gentleness that Sho once told him he was cotton candy; fluffy, sweet, and made of dreams. Koyama had laughed at him and told him he was too drunk.

“That’s fine, all of you out.” Sho said with a nod, his eyes still focusing on Massu. Toma turned to glare at him, his hands bracing himself on the desk as he leaned down towards Sho.

“I do not like this, I failed to protect you once from them. I will not fail again, allow me to stay.”

“I gave you an order.” Sho said, turning to look at Toma, “I expect you to follow it. Mori-chan?”

“Yes?”

“Can you make them some tea and keep them occupied in the cafe?”

“But of course.” Mori-chan smiled at them, “if you will follow me please? Also I would like to inform you that I am a seventh-dan in judo so I do suggest you listen to me.”

“Do you expect us to be afraid of a girl?” Tegoshi asked, bravado in his tone. Mori-chan froze, her smile not slipping before she struck forward, punching a hole through the wooden door of the office.

“I expect you to listen to me.” Mori-chan said, her voice sugar sweet. She turned and Sho watched as Tegoshi scrambled after her.

“Right, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to offend, just had to y’know….” Tegoshi’s voice died out the further they got from the office. Jun shot Sho one last look before heading out and shutting the door behind him. Sho took in a shaky breath, eyes focusing on Massu again. The younger man’s eyes darted back and forward on Sho’s fading bruises.

“What happened?”

“I had to move out of my apartment once I found it was yours, but I couldn’t very well tell Ohno I was leaving due to _yakuza_ issues, and I felt bad just leaving him there, so…”

“You staged a break in, still doesn’t explain the bruises. You could have discovered it already being destroyed, you didn’t need to get hurt.”

“Figured if I had cops around me, you wouldn’t kill me.”

“If you thought I was gonna kill you then why are we meeting in private?” Massu’s voice wavered. Sho frowned.

“Because I want to believe you won’t.” Sho took a breath, letting it out slow, “so please tell me why you came to me.” Massu took a steadying breath as well, before lacing his fingers together and staring at his hands. Sho swallowed the knot in his throat. Massu’s eyes seemed so distant all of sudden, he wasn’t in the office with him anymore. Massu was far away stuck inside his own maze made of blood and tatami mats.

“When I was fifteen my brother was killed by your family. I was taken from my mom and told I was to be next heir to the Otsuka family, that my _friends,_  the boys that I had grown up with had been placed there. I was taken to a room, tied down, and the tiger tattoo was forced on me. As I’m sure you know it’s tradition to do _irezumi_ , _I was strapped down for weeks while they finished the tattoo_ ….

-

Takahisa couldn’t scream anymore. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been in this room. His body felt feverish and his back was on fire. Then there was the itching, all consuming like a cicadas in the summer. He groans, his mouth is dry, his limbs are sore. It had been a few days since the _horishi_ had come to torture him. Takahisa squeezes his eyes shut, he’d rather die than continue getting the tattoo. He wasn’t even sure what they were tattooing onto his back. The door slid open quietly, Takahisa opened his eyes to watch Shige enter the room with a bowl of water in one hand, a towel in the other, Koyama came in after him, sliding the door close again. _Traitors_. Gently, Koyama loosened the towel gag they’d made Takahisa wear. Shige dipped a towel in the bowl of water, ringing it out before pressing it lightly to Takahisa’s face.

“Are they done with the tattoo?” Shige asked, and Takahisa focused on Shige’s frown, the concern rolling off of his body was palatable. _Too late to be worried when I have been tortured for weeks, fuck you_.

“Yeah they’re done, all the coloring is done even, it looks good.” Koyama said, Takahisa could feel his breath wash over his back and he shivered, groaning as pinpricks of pain hit him all over. He still felt like they were stabbing the needles into his skin over and over, carving the ink in as deeply as they could get it. Takahisa flinched as Koyama’s hands brushed against the ties around his ankles, then his wrists. Koyama hissed. “He rubbed the skin raw, we’ll have to be really careful when we bathe him.” Bathe him? No, Takahisa wasn’t an invalid. He could bathe his own self.

“Water.” Takahisa croaks, his vocal cord grating uncomfortably in his throat. Koyama crosses the room and pours some water into a cup, putting a yellow bendy straw in it and presenting to Takahisa. Takahisa takes a sip relishing in the cool wave of relief as the water worked its way down his throat.

“Come on, Otsuka-kun, we’re goin-” The name sounded ugly in Takahisa’s ears. It tasted like absolute shit any time he had to say it outloud.

“Massu.” Takahisa interrupted, glaring up at Koyama as he moved his body slowly into a sitting position, “You call me Massu or you call me nothing at all.” He’d lost so much, his mom, his grandparents, his friends. Everything around him was crumbling at the edges getting closer and closer to him, threatening to swallow him whole. He couldn’t lose this too, not his name, not the way Massu sounded to his ears. Massu! Koyama used to say with a little smile when Takahisa would walk into the his family resturant. Massu! Shige used to say when Takahisa would run past the library, Takahisa didn’t have to look to see the warmth reflected there. Massu! Tegoshi used to say, a big grin on his mouth as he waved enthusiastically from the soccer field. _Massu_. If Takahisa was to lose everything, he would engrave the name into his heart.

“The boss doesn’t want you to go by Masuda anymore. We have to-” Shige added, setting the bowl of water down.

“You have to listen to me right? I’m the heir or whatever right? So I’m ordering you. You call me Massu or you never address me.” Massu turned, glaring at Shige. He hopped off the table, pleased that his legs were able to support him as he made his way slowly towards the door. He slid the door open and stood in the hallway. This whole house made him sick, such grandeur when he and his mom had to live in a small house with his grandparents. Massu didn’t even have his own bedroom, he would sleep in the living room, the family altar keeping an eye on him while he slept. “Which way?” Koyama exited the room bowing slightly and motioning left. Massu followed him, eyes tracking the walls.

Massu hadn’t cried, not really, not outside of getting the tattoo carved into his skin. Even so, those tears were involuntary. Just another thing this house was stealing from him. He sank slowly into the bath, hissing as the water made his raw skin sting. Massu could feel the knot, hot and heavy at the bottom of his throat. There was a soft knock on the door, before it opened slowly. Tegoshi walked in shutting the door behind him.

“How you feeling, Massu?” Tegoshi asked, a bright smile on his lips. Massu glared. “Ah, you’re mad, that’s understandable. Really, I thought it would have been best to have told you a long time ago, but they told us we weren’t allowed to.”

“What do you want, Tegoshi?” Massu sank a little lower in the tub, his muscles had begun to unwind.

“Nothing much, just wanted to see how you were doing, I went to the room but Shige was the only one in there cleaning. So I figured you’d be taking a bath. Koyama seemed sad, so did Shige. That’s not fair, you know. You shouldn’t be mad at them.”

“And why not? You all lied to me.”

“There it is! The most adorable pout in the world!” Tegoshi said, leaning closer. Massu lifted a hand and shoved him in the shoulder. The knot in his throat loosened a little. “We didn’t have much of a choice. We also didn’t ask to be born into this life. Had things gone according to plan, none of us would be here.”

“According to plan?”

“Yeah, y’know with your brother leading the family, us four would have just continued our lives away from the family. But since he’s dead, you’re the new heir and we had to rise up to the occasion.” Tegoshi paused, smiling softly, “Well, we didn’t really. Your dad was just going to have your brother’s circle be yours too, but we asked to come along.” Massu’s eyes widened. They chose to be in the _yakuza_? They chose to abandon everything?

“Why did you do that? Why would you willingly be a part of this?” Massu’s voice cracked a little.

“Why wouldn’t we? You’re our friend, Massu. Our most precious friend. We’d follow you to hell and back.” Tegoshi reached out, patting Massu’s shoulder lightly before standing up. “Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to make sure Koyama isn’t crying, you know how sensitive he gets.”

/

Massu’s face throbbed. He reached up to wipe the blood from his mouth. His father wiped his hand on a hankerchief.

“I thought I told you to stay away from that woman.” His father snapped before sitting down. Massu glared. He’d been here for nine months, he’d gotten better at hiding his disgust at being called Otsuka. Hell, he’d even gotten better at fighting. His father had stopped watching his every move and was allowing him to leave with just Koyama, Tegoshi, and Shige to roam around town. He figured he could sneak back to see his mom. He just wanted to make sure she was okay, he wanted to check up on his grandparents too. He had also wanted to show his mom that he was fine. That he was adapting and doing his best to stay gentle. However, he’d only only managed to hug his mother before some of the men showed up and took him back home.

“She’s my mom, I should be allowed to see her if I wan-” His father reared back and slapped him again.

“You are not to see her again. Do you understand me? If you so much breathe in her direction I will kill her and her parents. You’re an Otsuka now. Your mother is Kagome.” Massu spit on the ground.

“Now, now, Tatsuhisa I know you’re ma-”

“Takahisa, father. My name is Takahisa, Tatsuhisa is dead.” His father’s eyes tightened.

“Yes, that’s right, he is. He really shouldn’t have messed with them, the dragons aren’t beings one should trifle with. Now, can you fetch me Kumiko? I’d like to speak to your sister.”

/

Massu waited two months before attempting to see his mom again, only to find that his childhome had been demolished. The neighbors hadn’t heard from his mom since they had left almost a month back. Massu returned home, his heart heavy in his chest. Koyama rubbed his back gently.

“Maybe they just left to go somewhere safe, I’m sure she’s fine.” Massu nodded. Surely his mom was fine, he’d find her. But no matter where he looked, his mom had just disappeared.

They slowly made their way towards the house, Massu’s hands hurt. They’d been out collecting money and the guy had decided he wanted to punch his way out of it. Massu sighed, he always figured being a _yakuza_ would be a little more refined. Currently, he just felt like a glorified loan shark.

“At least he went down easy.” Tegoshi said, bouncing up ahead of them.

“Well, I mean you did kick him in the head.” Shige said, a slight limp to his gait. The guy had tried running first, and somehow, amazingly, Shige had pulled a muscle running down the stairs. Really, Massu thought, Shige needed to become more athletic somehow, maybe he could convince him to join him in his morning jogs. He’d imagine it would be more quiet given that currently his jogging partner was Tegoshi.

They entered the sitting room, his father was reading the newspaper.

“Ah! Takahisa, there you are. It’s your birthday today isn't it?” His father set the paper down, reaching to the coffee table and picking up a small box and handing it to him. Massu opened it slowly, only to drop it as he gagged. His eyes widened in horror as the dismembered pinky landed on the ground. Koyama bend down quickly, picking it up and placing it back in the box, closing it with trembling hands.

“If I were you, I would stop searching for her or next time I’ll give you a bigger piece.” Massu’s heart thundered in his chest as panic rushed through his veins.

“Is my mom alive?!” he demanded, taking quick strides towards his father.

“Of course she is, she’s sitting right there.” his father said with an easy smile as he pointed toward Kagome-san, who bowed her head at him. Her face was set to a soft smile, but Massu recognized the look in her eyes. She was trapped here with him. Massu realized, belatedly, that they all were.

/

“Dad was nicer you know, back before Tatsu-nii died.” Kumiko said quietly, coming to sit next to him while he sat on the back ledge of the house overlooking their garden.

“Do you know what happened to him? To Tatsuhisa, I mean.” Kumiko, Massu had discovered, was really nice. They didn’t interact much, treating each other more like strangers than the siblings his father wished they were. She sighed, letting out a little hum, her lips pouting slightly as she stared up at the sky.

“Not in full details. Dad doesn’t tell me much, says women should keep quiet and out of the way, which while it pisses me off, works great for me. Tatsu-nii was really kind, he smiled a lot. He was like a drop of concentrated summer, but he also had this complex with our dad. He worshipped him, worshipped the family and wanted to grow the Otsuka-gumi out to make us the strongest house in the east.” She chuckled a little and Massu nodded. “He became involved with the Sakurai-gumi. I don’t know to what extent, but I remember him and our dad fighting one day and Tatsu-nii stormed out and ordered a bunch of men to hit Sakurai-gumi establishments. That was last time I saw him alive. The Sakurai-gumi showed up with his body two days later.” her voice wavered a little.

“So the Sakurai-gumi killed him.” Massu said, his voice quiet. He felt anger welling up inside of him. The Sakurai-gumi stole everything from him. “Do you know who he was involved with in that family?”

“Hm.” She paused, “Oh! He’d mentioned Sho once, said he had the most beautiful dragon tattoo he’d ever seen, deep red and that he had cherry blossoms skating down his skin.”

“Sho?”

“Yes, Sakurai Sho, the heir to the Sakurai-gumi.” Kumiko leaned back, “I’ve only seen him once at a wedding, we all went to when we were younger. He looked like such a little prince.”

/

The years went by and Massu became more and more desensitized to not only death but his father’s anger. They’d argued for days when Massu told him he had gotten into Todai.

“You know most parents would be proud of their kids if they got into the best university in the country!” Massu screamed. Koyama had an arm around him to hold him back and Shige stood between him and his father. Massu had punched his father back once and now they acted like Massu was just going to punch him every time they fought. Which to be honest he would, gods what he would give just to be able to punch his father’s teeth in.

“I would be proud if you were going for something other than fashion design!” His father yelled back. Kagome-san stood to the side.

“Dear, Takahisa can study whatever it is he wants. If he wants to study fashion, as his parents, we should happy he wants to continue his education.” Kagome-san said, gently trying to placate her husband. Throughout the years Kagome-san tried to be a good mother to Massu. She was patient and never pushed him to like her or call her mother.

“I will not have another fairy for a son! I will not! Tatsuhisa was and look what that got him!” Kagome-san’s body stiffened, she bowed her head slightly at Massu and the rest before leaving the room quietly. “You’re my only son, it’s your duty to take over the family.”

“I will.” Massu muttered quietly, the fight flowing out of him, “I will take over the Otsuka-gumi, but I will go study at Todai.” He pulled lightly at the arm Koyama had around him, “and if you try to stop me or call me a fairy again, I will gut you, old man.”

/

Massu let out a low whine as he stretched, relishing the feeling of his spine popping, sighing he crumpled back into himself satisfied. He’d been at Todai for almost a year and it was by far the happiest Massu had been in a long time. His phone began to buzz, and with a slight groan he fished it out of his pants. His father called him so much for a man who promised to stay out of his way while he was in school. He brightened as he realized the name flashing on the screen was Koyama’s.

“How’s Mitaka treating you?” Massu said in lieu of hello. Mitaka was a neutral city of sorts, his family owned some apartment complexes there.

“I found Sakurai Sho.”

Every sound around Massu fell silent, then the buzzing in his ears started, louder and louder like a swarm of angry wasps.

/

It wasn’t fair. Not at all fair, the gods surely wanted to torture Massu. Sakurai Sho by far was one the most beautiful men Massu had ever seen. Sakurai tipped his head back laughing at something some guy was saying, hand’s moving to clap in front of him. Did he realize how ridiculously adorable he looked? Sakurai reached over to the guy, folding himself in half with laughter, shaking his head lightly before wrapping an arm around his shoulders and steering them both away.

“So what do you think?” Koyama asked beside him.

“He’s cute.” Massu said turning to look up at Koyama, betrayed “He wasn’t supposed to be cute.”

“He wasn’t?”

“No! How am I supposed to kill someone that cute!”

“I mean, I can kill him for you, y’know.” Shige said at his other side. “But it would be a loss to the world.” Beside him Tegoshi nodded.

“Or you could perhaps not kill him?” Koyama added, “He’s in my circle. You should have seen him eat this cheesecake they gave us, it was like watching a chipmunk.” Massu groaned.

/

Sakurai Sho, it turned out, was pretty well guarded. He was rarely alone, he smiled often, laughed a lot. Massu felt jealousy pooling in the bottom of his stomach. Why was his upbringing so different, why did he seem so happy? It just didn’t make sense. Massu hadn’t lived a _yakuza_ life for very long but it was already soul crushingly depressing and drenched in blood. How was it that Sakurai Sho was radiating so much light? Massu felt like he was a flower following the sun.

/

“He’s actually really nice.” Koyama said around a bite of rice. “I whined that I didn’t have a job and he set me up at the same cafe he works at because we’re _friends._ ” Koyama’s eyes sparkled. Koyama was a lot like a dog, gentle and loving and always trying to see the good in everyone. However one must never forget, dogs are capable of killing bears.

“I don’t care if he’s nice, I’m going to kill him remember?” Massu said, pointing at Koyama with his chopsticks. The sparkle in Koyama’s eye didn’t fade.

“Of course you are, but I’m just telling you Sho-kun is really nice. You can’t even tell he’s _yakuza_.”

Later, Massu would make eye contact with Sakurai for the first time, and the warmth of the meeting would stay long into the afternoon as well as the subsequent days, if Massu was honest. When their eyes met, Sho’s cheeks had dusted such a pretty pink.

/

“That guy has been watching you for days.” Shige said from beside him and Massu lifted his head from his sketchbook to look around.

“Which guy?” Had Sakurai realized who Massu was?

“Skinny kid over there,” Shige said, motioning with his chin, his eyes set in a glare. “With the black hair, looks young. Want me to go find out what he wants?” Massu’s eyes connected with the boy in question. In turn, the boy smiled slow, lips curling at the ends like a cat, he raised his hand offering them a little wave before leaving. Massu blinked rapidly.

“We’re going to have to accelerate our plan.” Massu said, his voice suddenly tense. In the back of his head, he remembers Sakurai laughing.

“Hm….or you could not?” Tegoshi hums from beside him, chin resting on a soccer ball.

“I’m killing him.”

/

Something warm and electric dances up Massu’s spine when he hears Sakurai’s voice for the first time. It’s deeper than he thought it was, it’s charming. He watches as Sakurai straightens back up turning to ask Koyama something but then, eye contact.

“Oh hello.” Massu says and doesn’t fail to notice how Sakurai’s pupils dilate ever so slightly. “I didn’t know you worked with Koyama, it’s nice to see you again.” Massu continues. Sakurai is looking at him like he’s not sure if he wants to run away or come closer.

  
“You two know each other?” Koyama asked, a confused note in his voice. Massu has always impressed at how easily Koyama could shift roles. How easy it is for him to act.  
  
“No, we’ve been running into each other on campus though. Usually when I go to visit you, I’m Masuda Takahisa.”  
  
“I’m Sakurai Sho.” Sakurai replies and Massu wants to hear more of his voice.  
  
“Well, it’s certainly nice to finally have a name for your face.” Masuda smiles a little wider, and if he leans a little closer, well who can blame him. Sakurai is _beautiful_.

/

Talking to Sakurai shouldn’t be as easy as it is. Sakurai has a way of making Massu forget himself and his family and his bloody, bloody memories. He makes Massu feel normal, makes him feel like he’s the only person in the world. The first time they got lunch together they somehow lost the whole day. Massu doesn’t remember the last time he had laughed and smiled so much.

A weight starts to creep into his lower stomach. Koyama was right, Sakurai doesn’t seem like a _yakuza_ at all. He talks freely about his past, about his childhood. Of the misadventures he got into.

One of his favorite stories was the time when Sakurai and his friends had ventured into the woods. There they had found a little girl and a little boy who’d gotten lost. Sakurai smiled fondly as he said he used a stick as a sword and lead the way back out. A hazy memory swirls around in Massu’s mind. He remembers a group of boys helping them out of the woods once. Tegoshi had ran in, his mom was trying to put him in a dress again and Massu had ran after him. They’d gotten lost but Massu had assured the boys that found them that they were on their way out that Massu knew exactly where they were. He remembers a hand, warm circling his wrist. Massu remembers a prince.

“I think my mom took a picture of us, I’ll have to look for it when I head back home.” Sakurai leaned a little closer, “I’ll text it to you.” he said smiling.

“Oh you will, but Sakurai-kun, you don’t have my number.” Massu said coyly, a smile of his own creeping onto his face.

“I know it’s such a tragedy, but y’know that can easily be fixed.”

“Oh, can it now?”

 _Dangerous,_  Massu’s mind supplied, _this is dangerous_ , but the way Sakurai’s eyes lit up when they exchanged Line information made it easy for him to ignore it.

/

Massu angrily rubbed his tears away as he sat on the couch. He drew his legs up, wrapping his arms around them and resting his head on his knees. This whole operation was a disaster, the weight in his belly was unbearable. Every time he saw Sho smile he felt like ice was working it’s way down his veins. Massu was so unbelievably _stupid_.

“Was the date bad?” Tegoshi asked, rubbing his back gently.

“Did he do something to you?” Koyama asked, sitting next to him. Massu heard as the older man set a cup of tea down on the coffee table.

“No, he didn't! The date was perfect, the festival was fun, we played some games, ate lots of yummy food and watched the fireworks.” Massu’s voice cracked, “He...he,” he sucked in a shaky breath, trying to stifle the hiccup in his throat, “he kissed me, right when a firework went off. He was so smooth about it.” More tears escaped his eyes and he groaned, he remembered the shock at first both from the explosion in the sky and the softness of Sho’s lips on his. He remembered how his entire body vibrated and how warmth settled in his chest.

“So then what’s the problem?” Shige asked. Massu lifted his head.

“I think I love him.” Massu bit out, he was so angry. So very angry at himself. Sakurai Sho had ruined his life. Sakurai Sho had taken everything from him. It was _his_ fault Massu couldn’t see his mom. It was _his_ fault, and yet here was Massu stupidly falling in love with him.

“You don’t have to kill him.” Tegoshi said after a beat of silence. “Sakurai-kun doesn't seem like the type to kill anyone.”

“Well I wouldn’t say that, have you not noticed how those three guys react to him? I swear he only had to look at Ikuta-kun and he not only shut up but his entire body posture changed. They’re terrified of him.” Shige said softly.

/

His father looked over the tenant list for the apartment complex Sho lived in. Massu wasn’t sure whose idea it was to put the apartment and all the bills under Ohno’s name but Massu was going to take both of them to yakiniku as soon as they were all free. That is if their schedules ever correlated with Ohno. If it wasn’t for the obvious signs that someone else lived in Sho’s apartment Massu would be convinced Ohno was someone Sho made up on paper.

“Y’know, Takahisa, I heard a little rumour that there’s a guy living here that looks an awfully like the Sakurai-gumi’s dead heir.”

“Dead heir?” Massu asked, brows furrowing.

“Yeah, Sakurai’s oldest son hasn’t been seen since your brother died. Sakurai is a sick bastard he probably killed his kid too. I swear he used to get his rocks off on torturing people.” His father coughed and Massu reached out to support him. “His son took after him, by 17 he had such a high kill count you’d think he was in his 30’s. The boy had his tattoo by that age too. Tatsuhisa came home one day demanding he get his too.” Massu frowned, Sho didn’t seem like that all. Sho was kind, Sho cried at movies about animals. Hell, Sho cried if the food he was eating was really good and once during a date had jumped into a river to help a man who’d slipped in. Sho was a good man.

“Why did Tatsuhisa order the hit on the Sakurai-gumi?” Massu asked instead, helping his father into a chair and accepting the cup of water Koyama was offering. His father took a long drink.

“Tatsuhisa walked in one morning and told me he was in love with the Sakurai heir, that he wanted to marry him when they both turned 20 the following spring. I was a terrible father then, I told him I didn’t want a fairy for a son and that if he was one, I was going to take everything away from him. Then in anger I-” His father paused, a long weary breath leaving him, “I told him he had to prove to me he was still a man. I didn’t mean for him to go do what he did.” Massu felt dread move slowly down his veins. It felt almost as if he’d eaten shaved ice too quickly.

“What did...?” Massu knew Tatsuhisa had attacked establishments belonging to the Sakurai-gumi, but he didn’t know any details.

“He attacked some brothels, ordered our men to kill all the women. They only managed to hit two before the Sakurai-gumi showed up and killed them. They took Tatsuhisa hostage. They wanted compensation and rightly so, I didn’t want to start a turf war. We just didn’t have the men or resources to go against them, so I offered them money for the women slain, but Sakurai said it wasn’t enough, that Tatsuhisa had betrayed his son.”

“Betrayed?” Massu’s heart was splintering, his father took a shuddering sigh.

“One had to know what to look for if you were looking for a Sakurai-gumi run brothel, the only way for Tatsuhisa to know which brothels to hit was if someone had told him.”

-

Massu let out a shaky breath, his voice cutting off. Sho reached over and touched his hand. Massu looked up at him, tears had tracked rivers down his cheeks, Sho brushed his knuckles against them.

“I came to kill you, Sho. I had thought of nothing but killing you for years but then I met you. At first, I told myself I could ignore that I was attracted to you, that I was going to hurt you before killing you that I was going to make you fall in love with me before I killed you and that you deserved that torture.” Fresh tears made their way out of Massu’s eyes. Sho let go of Massu’s hand standing and making his way around the desk. He fell on his knees beside Massu, reaching to turn the chair and pushing his way between his legs. They reached for each other together, arms wrapping tightly around one another as Massu pushed himself off the chair and slid down Sho’s torso to kneel with him, his face resting into Sho’s neck.

“But then I fell in love with you, and I was going to tell you who I was, but I was scared to after I found out what my brother did. I knew he attacked your family first but I couldn’t take it out on him, so I was going to get revenge for having my life stolen, and I blamed you.” Sho pushed back on Massu’s shoulder, he had to see Massu’s face. He reached up, brushing his thumbs along his cheekbones.

“Takahisa.” Sho’s voice was worbaly. He swallowed around the knot in his throat, “It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything else.” Sho pressed a kiss to Massu’s forehead.

-

They sat next to each other on the floor, backs pressed against the desk, arms entwined. Massu rested his head on Sho’s shoulder, his fingers tracing the scars on Sho’s hand lightly. They’d talked for ages, Sho telling him how lived in his house. How demented his father was, and finally the true nature of his hand injury.

“I really do love you, Sho.”

“I really love you too, Massu.”

Later, when Massu would fall asleep, Sho would slip out of bed and quietly make his way to the living room.

“Sho-sama?” Toma said quietly, sitting up from where he was laying on the couch.

“Toma, I need you to get a message out to Maruyama Ryuhei.” Sho sat down next to him.

“Sure, what is it that you need me to say?” Toma asked as he slid a long sleeve shirt over his head.

“I need to borrow Yokoyama-kun, I need him to find Massu’s birth mother. He mentioned he lived in the poorer section of Nerima, she would have disappeared about a year after Tatsuhisa died. Should be missing a pinky.”

“Okay.” Toma stood then, padding over to one of the kitchen chairs and grabbing his jacket.

“What, you’re going right now? There’s no trains running right now.”

“Oh, sweet, sweet innocent Sho. I’m getting a message out to a _yakuza_. It’s for the best I don’t get caught on any cameras.” Toma slipped his shoes on. “I’ll be back for breakfast.”

“Toma, wait!” Sho walked towards him, “stay safe.” He patted Toma’s shoulder awkwardly. Toma cracked an easy smile at him.

“Always.”

-

Toma burst into the apartment, nearly tripping in his haste to take off his shoes. He slammed a picture down on the table with such force that Sho flinched knocking over a cup. Sho took in Toma’s face, his hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, his eyes wild and intense, the beginning of a bruise kissing his cheek.

“What in the hell craw-” Jun began, annoyance in his voice.

“Yoko grew up with Nino.” Toma cut him off, pointing at the picture. Sho picked it up in it there was a much younger Yokoyama, he had his arm around Nino who in turn had his arm around Aiba. The three of them were smiling widely, youth pouring out of their expressions, it was like they’d stolen the secret to happiness and hid it behind their eyes.

“Okay, and?” Oguri asked, leaning over Sho’s shoulder to look at the picture. The remnants of the cup in his hands.

“Nino disappeared when he was 16. Not only that, but his dad was found brutally murdered. His family had a joint funeral for them both. Then a few years later, Aiba suddenly moved to Mitaka for school. Aiba is a genius, and was already studying at Tokodai, he could have gone anywhere else, but instead he chose to attend Mitaka University, a laughable excuse of a school compared to Tokodai.”

“But why?”

“Exactly, why? He also could have graduated 4 times over but apparently he purposely fails a class or two each term and ends up having to stay. So I did some digging on my own, Ninomiya Kazunari isn’t enrolled in any classes.”

“What?” Jun sat down, “I only know Nino because we had classes together.” confusion evident in his tone.

“Right, I remembered that, so I looked into it, you never attended classes with Nino, so I then had to go through everyone in your classes over the last four years we’ve been here. You’ve had classes with Ariake Koichi.” Toma reached in his jacket pocket pulling out some crumpled pages. Sho picked them up, eyes focusing on the student picture. It was definitely Nino, he had longer hair, his eyes downcast looking at a corner instead of directly at the camera, he was also wearing glasses. He looked even smaller than he usually did.

“I also talked to my source, had to give him a bit of beating but he finally confessed. He intentionally mislead me because a guy with mole on his chin paid him to do so.” Sho’s eyes narrowed, “So I showed him this picture, and he recognized Nino immediately. Now, why would Nino pay off someone just to get me to not look further into Massu?”

“You had someone look into me?” Sho jumped at Massu’s voice, Sho turned to look at him a sheepish smile on his face.

“That’s on me.” Toma said with a nod. “As you know now, Sho is a supposedly dead heir, I needed to make sure you weren’t a danger to him.”

“Also, I did pay Nino to get me your name, so chances are Nino knows exactly who we are. Now we just need to find out what he’s going to do with that information.” Sho added, reaching out to wrap his hand around Massu’s wrist, “Good morning.” Massu smiled back at him, moving to sit next to him at the table.

“Good morning.” Massu responded leaning in to kiss Sho’s cheek before reaching to grab one of the cups of orange juice on the table. Sho’s chest filled with warmth. He hoped this could be his every morning. Breakfast surrounded by his family and the love of his life, his eyes tightened ever so slightly. Uneasiness began to pinprick at him.  In ten days he was going home, in ten days he was ending his father’s life and hopefully ending the violent cycle his family had been enriched in for decades. He glanced up, his eyes connecting with Jun’s as the younger man chewed on some toast.

“We’ll be alright.” Jun said after swallowing, and Sho nodded.

-

 **_Unknown 17:15 20/1_ **  
_Sho-niisan, your father is returning sooner than expected._

**_Unknown 22:23 24/1_ **  
_Aniki, the old man just tore apart ur room, ur mom is pissed_  
**_Unknown 22:23 24/1_ **  
_He's shoutin that he dreamt u were gonna kill him_  
**_Unknown 22:30 24/1_ ** _  
he wants more men at the house, we need to move now_

**_Unknown 9:05 25/1  
_** _Sho-sama, orange lilies, what a fitting flower on such a fitting day. Mai-sama had to leave the room after they were delivered because she almost couldn’t hold in her laughter._

 

-

The day had been unjustifyingly beautiful. Sho had woken up slowly, listening to birds chirping. The apartment was silent. He sat up, reaching for his phone reading past the happy birthday messages and then finally Okura’s. He smiled, he’d have to call Jun and let him know the flowers had gotten to the house successfully. He stood, stretching, trying his best to ignore the anxiety pooling in his heart. Now, he sat on the couch in his and Ohno’s new apartment, unsure if he was ever going to see it again. Ohno walked in, tackle box in tow a big smile on his face.

“Today was a good day out on the boat. I caught some yummy fish we can have them for dinner tonight in celebration for your birthday!” Ohno said, smiling widely and shucking off his coat. Sho smiled at him, Ohno frowned at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong.” Sho said trying to fix his smile. Ohno came and sat next to him.

“You don’t have to lie or pretend around me, what’s wrong?”

“I’m going to do something tonight, something big, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get back in time.” Sho said softly. He stared at the corner of the coffee table. Ohno hummed beside him.

“Does this have to do with _yakuza_ affiliations?”

“What?”

“That’s what the tattoo on your back is right? A _yakuza_ tattoo right? Sorry, if I’m wrong, it’s just you don’t seem like the type of guy to get a full back tattoo of a dragon.”

“You’ve known? Since when?” Sho was flabbergasted, Ohno had not once shown any reaction to him, always accepting him as just another guy.

“Hmmm, maybe a month after we moved in together? You left your door opened when you were changing and I was walking by. I thought it was beautiful tattoo, I meant to ask about it but never found a chance, eventually I realized you were hiding it, so I figured it was like the old _yakuza_ movies I would watch with my dad. You’re not supposed to flaunt your tattoos right?”

“No, we’re not.” Sho stared at Ohno with wide eyes, “you’ve known practically this whole time? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it doesn’t matter to me? Whatever it is you’ve done doesn’t matter to me, because I know you. I know who you are, Sho-kun.”

“And who am I?”

“A good man.” Ohno reached over patting Sho’s shoulder lightly, a gentle smile on his face. Sho reached for him wrapping his arms around him tightly, Ohno chuckled returning the embrace.

“I might….” _die tonight._  Sho tried to swallow around the lump in his throat, but he couldn't. His next breath sounded distressingly like a sob. Ohno rubbed his back.

“I’ll leave the light on for you, for when you come home.” If it sounded like Ohno’s voice was watery too, well, there was no one else in the apartment to mention it.

-

There was yelling, lots and lots of yelling, then men were moving. Everyone running every which way trying to find the hoses, buckets, anything really that they could carry water in. They weren’t going to find anything useful, Sho had the children hide everything away at the shrine. One of the men had recognized Toma and had alerted the others that there was intruders in the house, he’d tried to run but Toma was faster, but by then the damage had been done. They knew they were here.

“Best thing is for us to split up.” Oguri said as they ducked behind a wall. Sho nodded as much as he hated it, it made sense. While all together meant they cover for each other it also meant there would be more attention drawn to them.

“Okay let’s split up, stay safe.” Sho said, he smiled warmly at them.

“I’m going with you.” Jun said suddenly, moving to stand on his left side.

“Right then, let’s go.”

Sho crouched behind the couch and peeked out of the side, watching as men ran past the sitting room. He just needed them to move a little further and he could make his way to the family altar room. Once there, he could make his way to his father’s office. He turned, fighting the urge to back away at how close Jun was to him. His brows pinched with worry.

“You know this would have been way easier if you had just fallen in love with me when you were 17 like I fell for you.” Jun said softly. Sho snorted.

“It would have been way easier, yes, but who’s to stay we would still be alive now if I had.”

“Oh Sho, we would still be alive. If the gods wanted us dead, we would have been long dead by now.”

“Listen, the only reason we would have died back then is because you started rebelling and picking a bunch of fights you couldn’t win.”

“I could have totally won them.”

“Do you remember the time you had Toma kick you and you started crying?”

“We were ten!”

“Fourteen! You two were fourteen! And you had him kick you and then you started crying.” Jun pushed his hands against Sho’s mouth.

“Whatever, we were children! Also, this is not the time!” Jun hissed. Sho rolled his eyes as Jun moved passed him, leaning out a little more past the couch. He turned and nodded at Sho. They both reached for their guns before slowly making their way out of the room.

When Sho was younger, he used to pretend he was a thief on a mission to steal the treasures of the house. The treasure’s being cookies from the kitchens. His mom was strict about his cookie intake, saying that they couldn’t be treats if he was just going to eat them whenever he wanted. So Sho got really good at sneaking around his house.

“Hey, remember when we used to steal cookies?” Sho said bumping into Jun’s shoulder, causing the younger man to startle.

“Sho, I’m all for reminiscing, really I am, but seriously dude. Not. The. Time.” Jun smiled ruefully, a strange peace was settling in Sho’s bones. Sho felt oddly giddy. If Sho died tonight, then Sho died.

“Jun, we might die tonight.” Sho said, there was a stirring in his throat, like the ache before crying started. It squeezed his heart but Sho didn’t feel like crying.

“We’re _not_ going to die.” Jun said turning to face him. The intensity in his eyes made a chuckle bubble past Sho’s lips.

“Well, I’ll see you on the other side then.”

“Wha-?” Sho pushed Jun out into the hall, the younger man fell, eyes wide.

“Hey! Who the fuck are you?!” Jun turned to look and Sho heard the sound of a man running towards them. Jun scrambled to his feet, shooting Sho one last look before running away. Sho smiled at him again. The man passed him quickly and Sho emerged from where he was hiding, gun pointed towards the man and pulled the trigger. In a sick, sick way, seeing the man crumble midrun felt a lot like coming home.

-

The thing about Sho was his father trained him to be an efficient killer. Sho had hoped that they wouldn’t kill anyone else other than his father, but he couldn’t let anyone stand in his way, not when he was so close.

_“Kill him, Sho! Snap his neck! You have to twist fast and hard!” his father was screaming at him, spittle on his chin. Sho didn’t move. He was straddling the man, his fists bloody from punching him. He’d broken the man’s nose. Sho felt as the riding crop seared at the skin on the back of his arm. He bit the inside of cheek, to keep from crying out. “What are you waiting for?! Snap his neck!” Sho could feel his own heart pumping in his ears, rushing, pusling, like sirens in his blood._

_The man under him was begging him not kill him, but couldn’t the man see? If Sho didn't, who knows what his father would do to him. So Sho reached down, squeezed his eyes shut, and..._

_...I’m so sorry._

He panted as he pushed himself up and away from the man who’s neck lay at an unnatural angle. He moved swiftly down another hall, peeking around the corner. He felt his heart drop. Oguri-san was standing outside the door. He leaned back, head thumping softly on the wall. His breath shallow. Shun wouldn’t hold it against Sho if he killed his dad, he’d understand. He’d forgive, but could Sho kill Oguri-san?

“Tatsuya!” Sho wanted to rip his hair out, he recognized this voice too. Matsumoto-san afterall was the one who used to comfort Sho when he had nightmares. Jun would forgive him too. “Any sign of the intruders?”

“None.” There was a pause and Sho could hear the way one of the men was fidgeting.

“What is it, Nobuhiko?”

“One of the men says that he saw a tattoo of one of them….they’re leaving bodies all over the place, the kills are efficient...I’m almost proud of them.”

“Who’s family is it?”

“Ours, the tattoo was a black dragon.” Sho swallowed thickly. The silence stretched before a long sigh followed by a chuckle left Oguri-san.

“Ah, Shun...welp, Nobuhiko, we knew this day would come. Those boys looked ready to murder when they saw the state Sho-sama was in.”

“Oh gods, were they. Jun actually punched me, did I ever tell you about that?” Matsumoto-san chuckled.

“No! He punched you? Shun just told me he wish he could strangle me with my own intestines. I’m sure the only reason he didn’t was because he was holding Sho-sama.”

“Yeah, little bastard punched me square in the jaw, told me I was a sniveling little coward and that if Sho died he would murder us all. He’s been cold towards me ever since.”

“At least you still get to see him from time to time, I haven’t seen Shun since he left with Sho-sama. You should be thankful Jun only punched you, Toma stabbed Hideki in the thigh when he tried to keep him from leaving.” Sho blinked rapidly. They had told him that they were allowed to leave the family, Sho had no idea they had actually defected. No wonder they were so jumpy during their first year. Sho assumed it because they were getting used to normal life. A gunshot sounded nearby, followed by a cry that sounded suspiciously like Toma. Sho’s heart hammered in his chest. He let out a slow breath, tightening his hold on the gun before turning around the corner and pointing the gun right at the men he’d grown up admiring.

“Sho-sama.” Matsumoto-san said, amazement in his voice.

“Step aside.” Sho’s voice was even, his hand steady. “Do not make me kill you.”

“But what would our sons say?” Oguri-san said, his eyes were warm, Sho’s eyes hardened. Both men were looking at him warmly, like they did when Sho ran around pretending to be a knight and them fearsome ogres to defeat. Sho cocked the gun.

“They would kill you themselves.” the two men shared a look before they smiled widely.

“I’m sure they would.” Matsumoto-san said. He put his hands up, an action Oguri-san mimicked immediately. “He’s in there...and we never saw you, but just know Sho-sama, if you don’t succeed….”

“We will be forced to hunt you down.” Oguri-san finished. Both men bowed before turning their backs to him and walking away. Sho swallowed thickly, fighting the urge to cough. The smell of smoke was starting to get overwhelming. Then, more gunshots, lots and lots of gunshots. Sho took a deep breath before opening the door.

His father stood behind his desk, a drop of sweat made its way down his face. His eyes were manic, darting around Sho’s face before looking wildly around the room. Sho felt disappointment settle in his heart. His father looked thinner than his memories, smaller. _Weaker._  Just an old man who looked terrified for his life. The look however faded quickly.

“I knew it, I _knew_ it!” his father screeched as he came around the corner, riding crop held tight in his hand. Sho felt his face twitching, his nostrils flared at the sound of his voice. “I knew you were going to crawl out of hell and come for me. You’re such an ungrateful little shit!” The riding crop sung as it cut through the air. Sho lifted his arm to block it from hitting his face. He twisted his hand expertly, grabbing hold and pulling it from his father’s grasp. As he threw it across the room, his father laughed. Anger pulsed hotly through Sho’s veins.

“I let you live. You’re alive because _I_ allowed it.” His father continued, opening his arms wide, “I gave you everythin-”

“You gave me nothing! All I’ve ever gotten from you is years of blood and badly repressed traumas.” Sho snarled, feeling like a caged animal.

“I made you a better man.” his father smiled, leaning back on his desk. He shifted, sitting lightly on the edge of it.

“You made a kill-!” Sho shut his eyes, taking a sharp breath through his nose and letting out slowly. He opened his eyes again, focusing on his father’s smug smirk. Sho was giving up control to him again, something Sho could not afford to do. “I’m a better man without you.”

“If you kill me, my men will kill you.” Sho smiled at him.

“Not if the heir tells them not to.”

“You are not the heir.”

“No, but Shu is. He killed that man for you, didn’t he? Brought back a head, you were so proud, old man, of your son finally becoming like you.” Sho opened his arms wide, mimicking his father’s bravado, “Except, that didn’t happen.” Sho lifted the gun, pointed it right as his father, “Because I ordered Toma to get there first.” If all went according to plan, Sho would have pulled the trigger, shooting his father between the eyes. He would then pull the burner phone out of his pocket and call Shu, who in turn, would call Oguri-san and order them to stop fighting. Sho’s long awaited revenge would be complete and they would steal away into the night.

In actuality, before Sho pulled the trigger, Sho’s father hurled an ashtray at him, causing Sho’s vision to distort. Sho coughed, his left hand coming up to clear the ashes from his eyes. He yelped in pain as his father knocked something hard against his right wrist causing the gun to fall.

“You stupid boy. You always liked the sound of your own voice,” his father sneered. Sho blinked rapidly to clear his eyes, barely having time to react as his father swung the _bokken_ at him again. Sho tripped, falling on the ground. He rolled quickly away from his father, who aimed to stomp on his hand. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck_! He scrambled to his feet, ducking behind the desk.

“What's wrong? Can’t kill me without the gun? Didn’t realize you were so-” Sho moved quickly, tackling his father. They thudded to the ground, half-bitten curses tumbling out of their mouths. Sho straddled him, bringing his fists down on his father’s face. Years of rage surfaced all at once. His father laughed and Sho felt his stomach twist in disgust. He inhaled sharply as his father punched him roughly in the ribs. Sho’s brows furrowed as the pain from the punch didn’t subside, and began to burn instead. He looked down to see the wooden handle of the _tanto_ protruding from his rib cage. His father shot him a bloody smile. Sho stood slowly, walking backwards until he hit the desk, eyes fixed on the blood stain that slowly blossomed from his shirt.

“You can’t even kill an old man now? You’re pathetic.” Sho’s father had his hand around Sho’s gun. Sho reached for the snow globe on his father’s desk. His father pulled the trigger and Sho let out a wail as he felt the force of the bullet hitting his right shoulder.

“Can’t believe you’re stupid enough to get killed by your own gun.” His father laughed, and Sho smirked at him as he cocked the gun again and pulled the trigger, only for nothing to happen. His father’s brow furrowed, Sho pulled the tanto out of his side, crossing the space quickly and pulling the blade across his father’s neck.

“You always liked to prolong your deaths.” Sho muttered darkly as his father tried to press his hands to his neck. The gasps coming from him made Sho think of him as a fish out of water. _The goldfish slipped from his hands, its bag bouncing harmlessly to the side. The fish panicked as the water sloshed around._ Sho felt his eye twitch with the memory.

“You should have aimed properly.”

-

Sho rasped a sickening wet sound, but it was muffled by the crackling of burning wood. The fire sounded close. _So this is how I die_. Sho swallowed, the acrid taste of blood covered his tongue. _What about Mai though and Shu and Massu?_ Sho’s eyes pricked with tears. He rolled over on his side, trying to use his left arm to raise himself.

“ _Botchan!_ ”

“Oh Oguri, thank gods. I was scared you died.” Sho smiled as Oguri reached his side. He was covered in blood, the slight purple of a bruise blooming on his cheek. “Did we lose anyone on our side?”

“No, we’re all fine. My dad ordered us to stop fighting, as did Jun which was great because I thought Toma and his dad were going to kill each other. Also the fire is kind of out…..” Oguri’s voice drifted to a stop as his eyes settled on the dead body. “Is he…?” Oguri walked over to his father’s body. He crouched near it and lifted his arm only for it to fall back on the ground. It was a habit of Oguri’s that Sho never understood. Sho blinked. _There was a boy in front of Sho, face bloody, chest heaving, and making an ugly, wet noise..._

“Dead? Yeah.” Sho coughed, blood splattering on the ground. Breathing was starting to become a hassle. The world was starting to dim at the edges, fuzzier just like when Sho lived in his memories. Oguri turned towards him, Sho focused on the worry etched onto his face.

“You’re shot.” Oguri reached for him, pulling Sho’s shirt away from his right shoulder. Oguri lifted him up and began to walk out of the room. “We need to get you to Ueda-san. We started trying to pull any survivors to get treatment, Ueda ran to get the children to bring back the hoses-”

“Hey Shun, what happened to that kid?” Sho interrupted.

“What kid?”

“The one from high school, did I kill’im?”  It was getting increasingly harder for Sho to focus. He felt a lump swell in his throat, his tears finally falling. “Aw fuck, I kill’im. He was jus’ a kid”

“You were a kid t-”

“His name, can’t ‘member”

“Sho stop talking, you have to save your energy, but try to stay awake ok-” Oguri was moving faster through the house. Sho’s eyes lost focus as he rasped another cough. In his ears, the crackling of the fire was now the only thing he could hear.

“Name…” Sho thumped his left hand against Oguri’s chest. “Please….”

“Narimiya Hiroki, he’s still alive.”  The world went black


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait! Life has been well life, but here you are! Hopefully the last part of this story won't take me as long to write.

The breeze played with his hair, the grass was cool on his back, and the sun danced between the leaves of the tree he was using as shelter. Beside him, he could hear the soft sounds of a pencil sketching. Sho was content and happy. There was the sound of a camera shutter going off and Sho cracked an eye open, watching as Massu smiled at his phone. 

“Did the picture come out good?” Sho asked, rolling on his side and tucking his arms under his head.

“It did. Did you know you’re incredibly handsome?” Massu said, setting his stuff to the side and mirroring him. 

“Oh, am I?” Sho shifted forward a bit to get closer, “Did you know that you’re even more handsome than I am?” The sun was hitting Massu’s hair just right, lighting up like a beacon. 

“Is that so?” Massu shifted. Sho’s beacon guiding his heart home. Sho leaned forward the rest of the way, their lips brushing. His heart whole, safe. He could feel Massu’s love for him spreading throughout his body and could only hope Massu felt how much Sho loved him in return. Kissing Massu was never ever going to get old. Massu was his spring, his summer, his warmth. Massu was the sun, and Sho was nothing more than a sunflower. Sho couldn’t think of a better flower to be. Sunflowers were technically weeds, they sprouted out of anywhere they could, out of the concrete even just to bask in the glow of the sun. 

“I love you, Massu.” 

The world, however, turned a little colder and Sho leaned away. The world was turning fuzzy around the edges. He swallowed, blinking rapidly as he hoped that maybe it was just his eyes playing tricks on him. Sho could feel the panic coursing through his veins. He was going to die. No, he was dying. He could feel the burn of his heart exerting itself, refusing to give up. He could feel his blood pooling out of him, making Sho feel like a drop of red watercolor against white tissue paper. 

“No! I don’t wan-”

“You have to wake up Sho.” Massu’s voice was soft and warm.

“I don’t want to leave you.” There was fire nearby, Sho could hear the crackling, he could smell the smoke suddenly it was too hot. Sho couldn’t breathe. His lungs were on fire. The smell of burning corpse filled his nostrils and suddenly the meadow was gone. Massu was gone. All that was left was his father's office. Sho couldn’t move, all he could do was stare at his father’s body. His head moved slowly and Sho wanted to hurry up and die. He could feel the heat on his skin, like the inky caresses of the first woman that ever took him to bed. His father had been there in that room. Watching. Sho had tried not to think about it, pushed it out of his mind. But his father was always there, overpowering and present and _watching_. Keeping a tight hold around the noose that doubled as Sho’s leash. 

“Wake up.”  his father said, smiling fully, Sho swallowed. The fire was getting closer. His father was coming closer. Sho could feel himself cracking, like glass left inside the furnace for too long. Cracking and splitting right before an explo- “Wake up!” 

 

- 

If Sho thinks hard enough he can hear feet running on wooden floors, he can hear the house creak and groan. There’s a thousand voices it seems. People calling his name. People are crying, screaming. A thousand hands reaching out to touch his arms, his head, his face.

He can hear a heart next to his ear, thundering, Sho’s heart doesn’t feel as strong as the one he’s pressed himself against. How painful it must be for this heart, beating fast and loudly. How has it not burst?

-

It’s to the sound of screaming that Sho comes to. There’s a mounting pressure in his head and his mouth feels as if he has cotton stuck to his tongue. He blinks slowly, shutting his eyes almost immediately to the vast whiteness of the room. The smell of antiseptic stinging his nose.

“Piss off, old man!” Toma’s voice is indignant, “why don’t you hurry up and die!” There’s a crash somewhere to Sho’s right. Sho flinches, biting his cheek as his right shoulder smarts terribly. 

“Hah?! Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to you fuckin’ brat!?” A second crash, ah...they’re all roomed together. How did they get out of the house? 

“A waste of fuckin’ space!” Sho’s lips twitch. Toma and his dad have been fighting for years. Ever since Toma caught his dad kissing another woman when he was 16.

“Ryusei! Hit your brother for me! Hit him right where I stabbed him!” Sho’s eyes open in alarm. He remembers Oguri telling him that Toma and his dad were trying to kill each other but he didn’t expect a stabbing! His eyes, however, take a second to focus. Really, why are hospital rooms so white? He blinks, finally focusing on Toma laying in the bed beside him. He has his arm bandaged down to his wrist, a bandage on his right temple. He looked a little worse for wear but alive. So wonderfully alive.

“Come hit me yourself, you useless, old shit! Ryusei! Punch dad in the fuckin’ face!” he hollers, mouth twisting up in a sneer.

“Could the two of you _please_ shut the hell up? We’re in a hospital and you’re going to wake up Sho-sama.” Ryusei says with a sigh. He bends down to pick up the pieces of a vase in the center of the room. Sho smiles softly. He hasn’t seen Ryusei in years. The younger Ikuta man spent most of his time indoors when they were younger and then proceeded to join Mai’s inner court instead. Sho’s vision swims slightly, he was so tired so damn tired.

Sho wakes up a few more times after that, eyes never managing to focus on anything really. Just snippets of confirmation that everyone he cares for is still alive. His family is whole.  

-

Sho bit his lip as Jun helped him shift his arm back into the sling. He took in Jun’s face, his lip had gotten split and he had a black eye but aside from that he’d had no other injuries. Sho turned his head looking at Toma’s sleeping form in the other bed. Quiet finally. Across from him, his dad talks quietly with Toma’s mother, holding her hand tightly. 

“He spent all morning fighting with his dad.” Jun says quietly at his side, reaching to the bedside to get Sho’s cup of water, he offers it silently holding it until Sho backs away from it, a sigh of relief leaving his lips. 

“Where is Oguri?” Sho croaked. His voice was scratchy. Jun said something about smoke inhalation. Sho had apparently been in his father’s office for nearly an hour, the fire preventing anyone from getting to him. The doctors told them Sho was a miracle, with his blood loss and how long he had been inhaling smoke, well frankly, he shouldn’t be alive.  
  
“Kyoto, they’re moving your family back.” 

“The house survived?” 

“For the most part, there is severe damage to the kitchen and then the area around your father’s office, but the Otsuka’s are willing to house us. That’s not all they’re doing either.” Sho’s brow furrowed.

“No? What el-” there was a soft knock on the door before it opened, Sho turned to look eyes widening as Nino walked in, dressed in a formal police uniform. He bowed deeply before turning slightly to shut the door behind him and crossed the room to stand next to Sho’s bed.

“Pleased to meet you, my name is Ninomiya Kazunari, I am part of the organized crime countermeasures division, section three and I have been appointed to speak with you regarding the incident that occurred on the 25th of January.” Sho blinked owlishly. Nino tucked his cap under his arm, reaching inside his jacket to pull out a small black notebook and a pen. 

“Uh....Nino?” 

“Oh, getting right to nicknames, I like your style Sakurai-san.” Nino gave him a short laugh and a wink, Sho felt his confusion growing, he turned to look at Jun who gave him a soft smile. “Now, may I ask why you returned home on the night in question? Were you aware that the Otsuka-gumi leader was in your home? If so, do you have any information as to why?” 

“What is happening?”

“My apologies, I do realize that you have only recently regained consciousness, but these types of things well, they just-well, we rather not wait to get to the bottom of them is all.” Nino said, tapping his pen on the small black notebook. “Otsuka Hisashi has turned himself in, stating that he had entered your home that day to speak to your father. They had a disagreement and fought, he also states that his men misread the situation which is what sparked the massive fight where 8 men on your side, including your father, perished.” Nino hummed, “How did you end up stabbed and shot, Sakurai-san?” 

“I...went to greet my father, I hadn’t been home in a number of years. When I came in, my father was already bleeding out. I didn’t recognize Otsuka-san but he turned and stabbed me in the ribs and took off. I got shot by one of his men when I tried chasing after him.”

“Why would you chase after a man who had just stabbed you?”

“He killed my father, I suppose I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Nino hummed again, “What about you?”

“What about me?” Nino’s eyes glinted dangerously, his mouth slowly curling up. 

“Who’s Ariake Koichi?” Nino laughed, waving his hand in front of his face.

“I really am terrible at the undercover stuff, I forgot my fake name three weeks into the mission because I spent two weeks trying to make sure I passed as a student, and then, well, a new game came out you see and before I knew it, I didn’t remember. I couldn’t very well call my boss and tell him I had forgotten so I just kept to myself and introduced myself as necessary when I had to.” He gave out another small chuckle, placing his hand behind his head and shrugging slightly. Sho didn’t believe him for a second, Nino was too slick, too smart for something so foolish to occur.

“And, what were you doing here?”

“This town is riddled with your type and as a member of section three, it is my job to keep an eye on y’all to make sure you lot didn’t start terrorizing the normal folk.” Nino turned to face Toma, his gaze turning pensive, before stealing the chair at his side and placing it next to Sho’s bed. “I’ve been watching you since you moved here, but I was keeping my distance only rarely talking to Jun-pon, making sure he knew I had valuable skills. I was going to keep my distance too, you guys never caused any trouble and you hid expertly in with the students but then Otsuka Takahisa moved to town and you two were like magnets. So I joined your circle. Wasn’t terribly hard, I planted Aiba in the apartment across from you and well Aiba can make friends with anyone, and you’re surprisingly trusting for a _yakuza_.”

“Never really thought about not trusting anyone, I’m kind of untouchable.” 

“Hm, not untouchable enough if your wounds are anything to go by.” Sho chuckled, offering a small shrug of his own. 

“So, are we done measuring dicks or are you going to explain what’s actually going on here?” Sho said, drifting his gaze over to Nino lazily. Nino blinked at him once...twice, before laughing loudly.

“Oh man, I love you Sho-kun.” Nino sighed, deflating lightly in the chair. His posture reverting back to what Sho was used to, loose and hunched over slightly. “What’s going on is a man is confessing to a crime he didn’t commit, your father is dead along with 8 other men, there was no Otsuka presence in your house at all. And to top it all off your neighbors were so very surprised to see you being carried out of that house on account that they all believed you were dead. They believed all four of you were dead and yet here you are plain as day. So, please Sho-kun, why don’t _you_ tell me what’s actually going on here.”

“I told you, I went to go visit my father, I hadn’t been home in a long time, I found him bleeding out.”

“But why did you return? That is my question. Why did you go back to a house that you hadn’t been to in years, a house where your neighbors thought you were dead? It just doesn’t make any sense.”

“What can I say? It was my birthday and I was feeling sentimental, also the people near my house love to whisper and talk about my family. They hadn’t seen me so they concluded I was dead, can’t really do much about the vultures surrounding my house, y’know.” Nino gave him a low hum. 

“Did you know your family was trying to close a deal with Triad?” 

“I’m sorry, what? The Chinese mafia? Whatever for?”

“What else does anyone make deals with the Triad for? Drugs. It seemed your father was trying to expand the market here in Japan. Do you know if they closed the deal?”

“I didn’t even know my family was dealing with them.”

“There seems to be a lot about your family you don’t know about, Sho-kun. Tell me how old were you when you got your tattoo? I asked around, apparently the Sakurai-gumi is rumoured to get the dragon after the first kill for the family.” Nino leaned forward again, resting his head on the palm of his hand his body stretching like a cat as he placed his elbow on the bed. He looked up at Sho and for a second Sho thought he saw the swish of fox tails behind Nino. “How much blood is on your hands, Sho-kun?”

“How is this related to your current investigation?” Sho bit out. He could feel the indignation surfacing, spiking up his blood pressure. “My father was murdered and it seems like you’re here trying to pin it on me. You already have the guy who did it.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t believe Otsuka did it. There was no way he could have. He has no motive, and now his family is offering you their house. Why would they do that if they just murdered 8 of you?”

“As an apology for their transgression?! I don’t know, Ninomiya, I really don’t know. Do you believe that I would be capable of murdering my own father? Me?! Really? In the time you’ve known me and all the time Aiba has known me, have you truly believed me to be so cruel? You’re friends with Ohno, the man lived with me this whole time, ask him if he thinks I would be able to.” Sho’s voice cracked, “My father was not a very good man, I know that, but he was a damn good father and-” Sho heaved a shuddering breath, the words choking in his throat. 

“That’s enough, Nino. Sakurai-sama needs to rest, he just woke up.” Toma’s voice carried from his bed, sleep causing it slur. He grunted as he shoved the blankets off of himself and pulled himself to his feet. His mother rushed to him helping steady himself. “Come, I’ll walk you out, officer.”

“That’s quite alright, I’ll see myself out. You did get stabbed in the thigh Ikuta-kun, a matching wound perhaps?” Nino said, glancing towards Ikuta-san, who frowned in return, “In any case, I suggest keeping off of it a little while longer. I apologize for causing such a commotion.” Nino said, standing up and walking to the door he paused turning to bow deeply before opening it. “I’ll be seeing you around.” Sho waited until the sounds of footsteps sounded far enough away to rub his face. 

“I swear, you really should have gone into acting.” Jun said, handing him a tissue and holding the water out for him again. 

“Yeah? Think I could give Oguri a run for his money?” Sho cracked an easy smile bowing his head slightly in thanks as he wiped his face with the tissues and blew his nose. He took a sip of water.

“Oh, most definitely. I almost believed you were emotional over that cunt.” Sho snorted.

“Toma!” Ikuta-san’s voice chided from across the room. Toma’s mom gasped and hit him lightly on the chest.

“I won’t apologize for that one, I won't. He’s dead now. He was a total cunt and you know it.” Toma continued as his mother helped him back into bed and Sho’s snort turned into a full laugh, while Jun snickered beside him.

-

There was hushed whispers around Sho, and someone was gently touching his hair and face, he surfaced like a feather falls, slowly and waning. He blinked awake, eyes focusing on his mom. 

“Mom?” Sho would deny it later but the word came out as choked sob. He would say it must have been from how quickly he sat up to throw his arm around his mom. Sho hadn’t been allowed to spend much time with her since he was 14 years old. After his first kill, his father decided Sho needed to be properly trained. She ran her fingers through his hair, words of comfort reaching his ears as he cried into her chest. “Mom.” 

When Sho was younger his mom was his whole world. He promised that he would protect her forever, that he would never make her cry. She’d smiled, warm hands gently smoothed his hair as she leaned down to kiss his forehead and called him her prince. When he was told Mai was going to be born, Sho had cried. Because how _dare_ his parents have another child, he should have been enough. Then when his mom held the tiny bundle in her arms down for him to see and Mai latched onto his finger, Sho swore he would never let anything bad happen to her ever. He was her big brother and he would protect her. When he was told Shu was going to to be born, Sho had cried. Because Shu would be free. He had to make sure to hurry and fill his father’s shoes and expectations so that Shu could be free. So Shu never had to experience the horrors Sho was all too used to at 13. When his mom handed him to Sho, Sho cradled him close to his heart, and he swore he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him ever. Sho was his big brother and he would protect him. 

He pulled back, and watched as Mai and Shu moved towards him, twin rivers running down their cheeks. They’d gotten so big since the last time he had seen them. Hell, Mai was an adult now. He could buy her some sweet red wine, or maybe they could do _hanami_ and drink cheap beer together, while she told him about boys Sho would put his foot down and ban her from dating. Shu was filling out, a frame that was surely going to be bigger than Sho’s, look more rugged and manlier. He could talk about girls with Shu, give him advice, take him to baseball games, take him to game centers. 

“ _Niichan_.” Shu said, reaching for Sho. Sho opened his arm as wide as he could and Shu pressed himself against his chest, ear over his heart, a memory washing over him.

_Sho had been 18, almost 19, the last time he’d seen Shu in person. It was December. Sho was standing outside, watching as the first snow of the year fluttered down to kiss the branches of the old cherry blossom tree in the middle of the yard. He breathed out a deep breath through his mouth, watching as his breath condensed into a plume of white vapor. He smiled ruefully, his hand extending to touch the bark of the tree._

_“And so the dragon returns home…” he murmured, Sho had been gone on a business trip of sorts. He swallowed thickly, pushing away the faces of the dead he left behind. Tried to not think about the pinkies he brought back. He let out another plume of vapor as he sighed, pulling his haori closer to his body. Perhaps it is time to head inside, he thought as a shiver worked its way through him. It was pretty dumb of him to just go out in nothing more than his kimono._

_Walking through the outside hallways of the house, he decided on a whim to walk along the side of the house where his mother and siblings lived, Sho rarely got to visit this side, he rarely got to see his siblings. The last time he’d seen Mai she’d glared at him, though Jun assured him it was probably just because she was 14, and admittedly, Sho was being super uncool. Though, what it was Sho was doing at this time he couldn’t remember. He rounded a corner, when suddenly he heard a wail. It sounded like Shu. The wail got louder, bordering on a scream. Sho’s eyes widened, his hand reaching for a gun that wasn’t there. Sho cursed, he didn’t think he’d need a weapon in his house and now someone was attacking his brother. He frantically made his way towards his room. He flung the door open to see Shu’s little body jerking in his sleep._

_“Oh, just a nightmare….” Sho breathed out, relief filling his body. He walked over, sitting down on the edge of the bed, his hand reaching out to gently shake Shu awake. Shu woke up with a start, tears clinging to his eyelashes, the last of the tremors riding out._

_“Niichan?” Shu breathed, and Sho nodded at him, smoothing out his hair._

_“Was it a very scary dream?” Sho asked, opening his arms and smiling as Shu moved immediately to sit on his lap, pressing his ear to Sho’s chest. Sho wrapped his arms around him gently, rocking slightly._

_“Yes.”_

_“What was it about? Y’know if you talk about it, it’ll be less scary.” Sho said, frowning when he felt Shu tense in his arms. They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity._

_“I dreamt you didn’t come back…..that you died….” Shu said finally, his voice quiet. Sho froze, him dying was always a possibility. It was hard for it not to be a possibility given what his duty entailed, but Sho also knew he was the best, he worked his ass off to make sure of that. He endured all of his father’s abuse and came out stronger for it each time._

_“I’ll always come back, Shu, niichan will always come back to you.” Sho tightened his hug, “Don’t you worry about that. I will always be here.”_

“I’m sorry.” Sho choked out, tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry I broke my promise. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” he felt Shu shake his head against his chest at the same time as Mai.  

“You didn’t break anything, you’re here aren’t you?” Mai said, her hand coming to grip the gown above Sho’s shoulder, “You came back for us, you were free y’know? You didn’t have to but you came back for us.” Mai took a deep breath, “When I was younger, I resented you a lot. I didn’t understand the world we lived in, all I knew was that you were the favorite son, Dad so rarely showed his face to us but when he did all he talked about was you. He smiled for you. Back then, I didn’t realize how terrible that was but then I learned after you were gone how bad it was for you. It was awful the things he made you do, the way he treated you, but you were always so gentle with us. You always smiled at us when you came around. The reason Shu and I didn’t know anything about this world was because you were protecting us from it all. So don’t apologize, if anyone needs to apologize, it’s us.” Sho shook his head, reaching out to wipe Mai’s tears away before gripping her hand.

“I’m your big brother, I promised I would protect you. It’s what big brothers do.” 

-

“When are they releasing us?” Sho sighed, shifting slightly on the bed he'd been in for nearly a week. He was getting restless. 

“I guess until the investigation is over?”

“Where am I going to run to? It’s not like we can get very far. Nino stole our wallets when he was here. Did you see him do that?” 

“To be completely honest, I think he did it when we were all distracted by your crying, but how he did so quickly and sneakily I have no idea.” Jun said with a sigh of his own, peeling an apple slowly.

“Well y’know he does magic right?” Toma said, popping a piece of apple into his mouth. Mori-chan had just left for work, but had peeled and cut fruit for Toma to snack on. Sho had given her an unimpressed look when she dropped a whole apple onto his tray. “He’s crazy good at it! He would come by sometimes when I was waiting for y’all to get out of class and he would just do some card trick and every time my mind was inevitably blown. He’s amazing.”

“What was going on between you two?” Oguri asked, looking up from where he was sitting down reading a newspaper. 

“What do you mean?”

“You and Nino? Y’all were flirting?” 

“Oh, uh, well we were just fucking around, y’know? Neither of us wanted something serious.” Toma said, scratching the back of his neck. Jun let out a low hum. Sho bit his lip to not laugh at the scandalized look on Ikuta-san’s face. What a shock to find out that not only did your son swing both ways, but additionally was bedding a cop.

“It looked pretty serious from his end.” Oguri said, turning his attention back to the paper.

“I have Mori-chan though.” Toma said, looking down at the fruit in front of him with a frown. “We’ve been in love with each other since we were teenagers.” 

“Is it that you’re in love with Mori-chan, or are you in love with a memory and an idea of Mori-chan?” Sho asked quietly. Toma wringed his fingers, chewing on his lip thoughtfully.

“I love Izumi.” He said looking up, eye connecting with Sho. There was no room for argument, and there was no doubt in Sho’s mind that Toma loved her like he loved Massu. 

“But Nino?” Sho found himself saying.

“I love him too, but how is this supposed to work? 'Hey Izu, I love you and I want to marry you and be with you until we both die, but I also love Nino and would like it if you wouldn’t mind me kissing him under the stars sometimes?' Or even the reverse, and telling Nino I also want to be with Izumi” He rubbed his hands down his face, a long sigh leaving him. “Why am I such a disaster?” 

“You’re not. You literally just have to talk to them.” 

“I know, but I don’t even know how to breach the subject. Not to mention, Nino is a cop, and not like just any cop, but a _yakuza_ cop. That’s even worse!” 

“A cop who knows we’re the ones who attacked the house, and that Sho’s the one who killed his dad but has no way of proving it.” The door slid open causing them all to jump. 

“A cop, who’s father we killed. Also you guys might wanna take better care of what you’re speaking about at what volume.” Ueda-san said, walking into the room, Ueda not far behind him. 

_"Aniki_! How are you feeling today?” Ueda said, coming to stand next to Sho’s bed, placing an orange bowl on his tray, “I brought you fruits! I saw that hell spawn Toma is dating leaving and she said she came to give Toma fruit so I was convinced she didn’t leave you any.” 

“He made us go back home, we were already here and this little bastard made us go all the way back because we just had to give Sho-sama fruit.” Ueda-san said with a shake of his head, as he placed some bread on Ikuta-san’s tray. Sho looked over at Toma as he popped a strawberry into his mouth. Toma gave him a deadpan expression, which made Sho’s expression even more smug.

“You two are ridiculous. Why are we friends?” Jun said, swiping a piece of melon.

“Anyway, disregarding this band of idiots, Ueda-san, you said we murdered Nino’s father?” Oguri said, setting down his newspaper and shifting his body towards Ueda-san. 

“Yeah, we did. Ninomiya Mitsuo, had a gambling problem and was an alcoholic. Not exactly a shining man.” Ueda-san said with a shrug, “Owed us a pretty penny, couldn’t pay, so we had him do some clean up work for u-oh!” Ueda-san turned, “He’s the guy that kidnapped you.” Sho felt like a bucket of cold water had been dropped on him. 

- 

Sho had been walking home from school. He had stayed behind with the music teacher to practice a new piece for the piano.  He was excited to show it to his mom, she loved Schumann, and Sho had grown up listening to other movements belonging to _Kinderszenen_ but this was the first time he’d attempted to play anything from it. The movement he had selected was beautiful, enriched with such a nostalgic feeling, it belonged in a bubble. Sho could imagine himself gently floating up with it. _A dream_ , his teacher had said, _this piece is like a dream_.

Overall, Sho had had a good day. Even now, walking home alone he could feel this energy inside of him growing. Something was going to change today, he could just feel it. The excitement of it drummed along his skin, vibrating in his bones, Sho smiled brightly, whatever the change, it could only be good. 

“Hey.” Sho turned to look up at a man who was leaning against the light pole, Sho bowed his head a little.

“Hello.” he responded not really slowing down.

“What’s your name?” the man asked falling into step with him, Sho looked up and gave him an odd look. Sho rarely had to introduce himself, people just knew who he was, additionally, people rarely went near him, adults especially stayed away from him. 

“Sakurai Sho.” the man hummed, _what a weird guy_. Sho thought, turning his attention back to the road in front of him, maybe he could cut through the park get home faster. Something in his stomach had started to twist, a feeling of dread creeping up towards his heart. Squeezing, leaving his body cold.

“Your dad asked me to come pick you up.” the man said after a moment, Sho frowned.

“It’s Thursday.” Sho stopped walking looking up at the man again. The man’s hair was greasy and unkempt, his eyes looked sunken in, he was thin with a slight twitch to his right arm. His clothes were scruffy and dirty looking, and when the breeze hit just right it brought the unmistakable smell of alcoholic sweat, bitter and sour, Sho wrinkled his nose. “He wouldn’t have sent you.” There was just no way his father would have allowed a man that looked like him be seen escorting Sho around. 

“Is it a special day?” the man asked. Sho began to walk again. Thursday was the only day of the week Sho was allowed to walk home alone, it was the day he stayed behind with his music teacher to practice the piano. Thursdays were Sho’s day of freedom. His father had promised. Sho ignored him, keeping his head high and looking in front of him. Perhaps it would be best to stay on the main roads. Stick close to houses. The man stayed quiet for a while.

“I really think you should just come with me.” Sho spared him a glance, “It would make this whole thing easier.” 

“No thank you, please step away from me.” Sho said curtly, he tried to narrow his eyes like his father did when he was intimidating someone, tried to make his voice as cold as he could muster. He faced forward again, he kept his steps even, unhurried, even when everything inside of him told him to run. Dragons didn’t run away from anything, dragons stayed steadfast and imposing, dragons were fierce and Sho had their blood running through his veins he was a Sakurai, and he was no coward. The man chuckled quietly.

“Y’know, you remind me of my own brat when you look at me like that, such cold eyes for a child.” it was the last thing Sho remembered before there was a loud sound and he felt his whole brain shake, there was a searing all encompassing pain on the back of his head, his ears rang, his vision swam. Then there was black.

It was black until it wasn’t, it was floating into the void until like watercolor seeping into a page Sho began to register pain. His head was throbbing, he wonders what the man used to knock him out, he blinks the stars out of his eyes, as he looks around. He’s in a shed, dust floats all around, dancing in the sunlight coming through the grimy window. It smells of mold and alcohol, and Sho can feel the bile rising up, he takes a shaky breath. He’s tied to a chair, but they’re loose binds, either someone didn’t want to really bind him to the chair or they didn’t know how to. He wiggles his wrists, feeling as the binds start to give way. He stops though, because first he has to find the man. It’s not hard, Sho realizes because the man is slumped over against the wall in front of him. A green bottle of _shochu_ hugged to his chest, he was snoring lightly and Sho bit his lip to stop the smile from fully showing up. He could totally leave and make it back home, he could probably even make it back by dinner.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Sho’s eyes widened as he turned quickly to the voice. There was a boy standing against the wall to Sho’s right, he had dirty clothes too, his black hair long covering half of his face, Sho could see the smudges of a bruise under his right eye. 

“Why not?” Sho asked, but continued to wiggle his wrists around.

“He’ll get mad, who knows what he’ll do, he has a gun.” the boy said with a shrug, walking over and placing a gun on the table. The boy stood over the man, and Sho could see how small he really was, he was hunched over himself. “I wish he would just go away sometimes.” the boy said quietly. He turned to look at Sho, “Do you ever wish your pops would just go away?” Sho swallowed, he didn’t like how the boy looked at him. It was like the boy could see into Sho’s very being. Sure, sometimes he wished his dad could disappear. His dad wasn’t a great guy but so far he hadn’t been entirely cruel to Sho. Only sometimes, and it was Sho’s fault, he just didn’t listen sometimes. 

“Hey.” the sound of the man’s voice attracted both of the boys attention, the man tipped the bottle of _shochu_ but finding it empty he threw it against the wall, the boy jumped at the sound. The man stood up, grabbing the boy roughly by his hair. “Go get me another.”

“I think you’ve had enough.” Sho looked away in a flinch when the man reared his hand back and slapped the boy in the face.

“You don’t fucking tell me when I’ve had enough go get your whore mother to get me another one or I will beat the living shit out of all of you.” The boy didn’t say anything else, Sho heard him sniffle and then he was gone, the door opened and closed quietly. Sho turned his head to look at the man as he swayed towards him. Tried not to gag when the man got close to his face.

“Now you, you’re going to-what is the phrase your people use? ‘Fetch me a pretty penny?’ I had my other brat drop a letter off at yours letting them kn-” Sho felt his blood freeze, this man had just signed a death warrant not only for himself but for his entire family. His father was going to kill them all. 

“You made a mistake. If you let me go I’ll them it’s a game.” Sho said, he licked his lips and looked up at the man. “Just let me-” the skin on Sho’s cheek stung and he felt a heat flushing to the surface his eyes watered. He felt anger lick his insides bubbling from under the shock of being slapped. The man reared his hand back and this time Sho braced as he was slapped again. The man gripped Sho’s hair hard forcing him to look up at him, a tear slid down his cheek and Sho fought down the urge to sneer. 

“Don’t you fucking tell me what to do! You will listen to me! You understand!? I have your life in my fuckin hands _boy_ and you _will_ listen to me!” The man let go of Sho roughly. He turned his back and Sho finally managed to get his hands loose, he dove for the gun. 

It was heavy and cold to the touch. He pointed it at the man. And went through the motions he’d seen his father take before. The click of the round loading felt so final. 

_Never point a gun at a man whose life you aren’t willing to take_. Matsumoto-san had told him once after an execution. Now that Sho was on the other side of the gun he understood what he meant. The man turned slowly surprise on his features before his eyes settled on the gun. He barked out a laugh. Then he charged towards Sho. In his panic, he remembers firing. He remembers the bullet found a home. His memory is hazy after that but when he came to he remembers being covered in blood and holding a rusty shovel. He remembers standing above a man with a caved in face, he remembers breathing hard, his arms shaking with exertion. He remembers the lingering taste of metal bile in his mouth, a feral anger driving his heart to go harder, to go faster. He remembers feeling out of his body, a wicked thrill of winning dancing down his spine, his head snapping at the sound of a bottle of _shochu_ smashing onto the floor. 

It fades to black once again. 

When he comes to the second time,  he’s outside, wrapped in Oguri-san’s suit jacket while men walked into the little shack. He remembers his father’s proud smile. He remembers his little chest puffing out in _pride_ at the praise.

 His first kill for the family. Age 14, a nameless face, and the lingering scent of alcohol. 

-

The trial was a weird thing. In all of his years Sho had never been inside of a courtroom, and now here he was, fresh pressed suit his arm in a sling testifying how Otsuka Hisashi was in his father’s office. Testifying how he had gotten his wounds. Nino scowled at him from where he was sitting, he’d been unable to find any evidence proving Sho killed his father. 

“The jury finds Otsuka Hisashi guilty of murdering Sakurai Shun.” Nino stood then, walking out of the courtroom, and Sho fought the urge to stand to follow him. 

The nights that followed Ueda-san’s disclosure of who Sho had killed at 14 were filled with nightmares. Sho woke up in the shed every time, sometimes as his fourteen year old self, sometimes as his present self. Sometimes the man dead in front of him wasn’t Ninomiya Mitsuo but Nino instead. Those nights were the hardest. 

Try as he might, Sho couldn’t find Nino. He goes to Aiba’s apartment to find it empty, he asks Ohno and he gets a sad shake of his head and Ohno shrugs. 

“Give him time?” he says placatedly and Sho nods. 

Ohno had been true to his word, when Sho finally got home, the light of the _genkan_ was on, and Ohno had been waiting on the couch. A soft smile to accompany his “welcome home”. Sho had turned into a blubbering mess in Ohno’s arms. 

-

Massu’s hand is warm in his, warm and soft Sho squeezes harder, they’re standing in front of the Otsuka family grave. 

_Thank you_ , Sho says to Massu’s father, _thank you for taking the fall for me, thank you for letting me be with your son, I’m sorry about Tatsuhisa, I’m sorry for everything that happened in the past, but thank you for loving your son so much you allowed me to have a future_. 

“He wasn’t the greatest dad or anything like that.” Massu said, pausing to swallow, his voice was a little thick around the edges, Sho squeezed his hand again. “When he first brought me to the house I hated him. I honest and truly hated him, but somehow over the years things got better, eventually I was looking forward to the weekends back home with him and Kagome-san, to laugh over dinner, to go shopping and jokingly select the weirdest clothes I could for him, y’know he’d actually try them on and have me send pictures to Kumiko. He wasn’t the greatest dad, but he-” Massu’s voice cracked, and Sho let go of his hand only slide it around his shoulders and pulled him into his chest. Massu breathed in deeply, a shiver running through his body as he composed himself. Sho pulled him closer pressing a kiss on the top of his head, Massu hummed. “He really did his best, he really tried to be a good father to me, I’m going to miss him.” 

They broke apart after a moment of silence, and Massu held his hand again, pulling him away. They avoided going near the Sakurai family grave. However, at the intersection leading towards it Sho found himself freezing. Massu turned to him a questioning hum leaving him. 

Had Sho’s father ever been a good dad to him? Had he ever tried? Surely he must have, surely Sho’s father must have been a good man, a kind man, in order for Sho’s mom to marry him. Sho tried to think back, trying to recall a single memory of his father that didn’t involve blood. 

-

The world is tinted a cool blue, and the sound of music resonates around the small hall Sho finds himself in. Sho blinks as he recognizes the music, a rueful smile adorning his lips. _Träumerei_ , how many years had passed since the last time Sho played the movement. His left hand ached, and Sho’s smile slipped, his heart squeezed painfully, it’d been 5 years, 10 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days since the last time Sho had ever sat in front of a piano. He watches as his younger self sat in front of the piano, unaware that in a few years time his hands would never reach the keys properly ever again. Sho looks smaller than usual in front of the piano, his face still sporting a bruise from when the man had hit him inside the shed. 

The audience is quiet, still, they sport soft smiles as the notes float around them. His mother is smiling proudly at him, holding a sleeping Shu and rocking gently with the music. Mai sits at her side, her eyes wide, enraptured. Sho remembers how once she had told him that watching him play was her favorite thing. That Sho playing the piano felt like magic. His eyes continue to sweep up the line of people past his grandparents until finally he lands on his father. 

His father looks so proud of him, head tilting with the music. When Sho’s fingers finally lift from the keys his father claps louder than anyone else. When they hand off the first place award to Sho, his father lifts him up high in the air and gives a twirl. Sho watches as his younger self lets out a laugh. 

“My boy!” he said with a beaming smile, and Sho feels his heart squeezing painfully. “I’m so proud of you.”  Sho tries not to think about how he chased after those words for the rest of his teenage years. He tries not to remember which actions got the most praise. He doesn’t want to remember the blood anymore. 

-

Sho regrets ever thinking Nino couldn’t throw a decent punch. He lifts his hand to touch his throbbing lip and winces at the sight of blood on his fingertips.

“How did you find me?” Nino snarls, the apartment they're outside of is nondescript, shabby looking even. Nino’s apartment has no nameplate beside it, and the worn out red colored door is adorned with a rusty looking five. Sho doesn’t answer instead he looks over Nino, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting but he’s relieved to see that he’s fine. His hair is clean, styled neatly, he’s wearing dark slacks and a pressed white button down. 

“You look good, healthy.” he murmurs extending a hand out to touch him, Nino smacks it away.

“What? You coming on to me? You and Massu couldn’t hack it anymore? I’m not surprised.” Sho ignores the sting from the words, Nino’s voice is harsh, every word coming out like a knife. He looks angry, but Sho can see the hurt under it all. Over the months, Sho got to know him, got to be his friend, and Sho wasn’t about to let go of it. Nino was part of his family.

“I’m sorry about your dad.” Sho says looking up. Nino’s eyes widen, he lets out a soft scoff. “Can I come in?” Nino’s eyes dart around him. “It’s just me I came alone.”

“Alone?” Nino blinks, his brows drawing together, “Are you a fucking idiot?! Your old man is dead, your family is in shambles, your name can’t protect you anymore!” Nino’s hand is warm when it circles around Sho’s wrist and he pulls him inside, “Everyone knows you’re alive now, what if someone comes after you?!” and Sho smiles. Because under everything, it’s clear as day. Nino still cares about him. 

Nino all but slams a cup of tea in front of Sho as they sit at his kitchen table. He lets out a small thanks bringing the cup to his lips before hissing when the hot liquid touches his split lip. He sets it down, and looks back at Nino who’s still looking at him like a cornered animal. 

“So, once again, I’m sorry about your dad.” Sho swallows, “I don’t remember much of it, I remember that he followed me when I was heading home. I remember that I woke up in the shed, I remember you, he hit you.” Nino let out a soft sound, quite nearly a whimper, and Sho feels his heart splintering. Nino is starting to hunch into himself, his breath coming out in puffs. “Did he do that a lot?” 

“He drank a lot.” Nino’s voice is tight, he’s not looking at Sho anymore but at his hands in front of him. 

“Is that why you don’t drink?” Sho had noticed, whenever they had get togethers at Aiba’s, Nino would drink tea and if somehow one of them managed to get him to accept a beer he would nurse the same one all night. 

“What do you want Sho-kun?” 

“To apologize.”

“How can you apologize when you don’t even remember it?”

“But I remember the end result.” Sho swallowed, “I killed him, I know I did. I remember coming to and I was standing over him with a shovel I didn’t remember grabbing. I remember the sound of a bottle breaking and then I was outside.” Sho took a steadying breath.

“Why are you so dumb.” Nino said after a beat of silence. Sho looked up to watch as Nino rubbed his hands over his face, fingers coming up to rake through his hair before looked at Sho with a tired expression. “I’m a cop.” Sho could see now, the tears caught on the rim of Nino’s eyes, the sad twist of his mouth.

“I know.” Sho’s eyes dropped down to Nino’s hands as they came to rest on the table.

“You just confessed to a murder.”

“I know.” Sho reached out, his hand coming to rest on top of Nino’s trembling hands.

“I could arrest you.”

“I know.” Sho rubbed his thumb across the back of Nino’s hands, they were soft.

“Or worse, I could kill you, and say it was self defense.” 

“You could.” Sho looked up, “But you won’t.” 

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because we’re friends, Nino, we’re family, and I love you.” 

-

Sho sucked in a slow breath, willing his body to relax. 

“You’re so tight.” Massu’s voice was low and Sho felt the simmer in his belly reignite, Massu was mouthing at the inside of his thighs, crooking his index finger inside of Sho, he was fucking him open with a slow rhythm. Massu surged forward, pecking at Sho’s lips, and Sho moved his arm off of his face. “Look at you.” Massu breathed leaning down to kiss him again. “Flushed such a pretty red for me.” Sho groaned, his hips bucked a bit.

“More, I can take more.” he murmured, reaching up to pull Massu down to kiss him again. Massu leaned his head down, nipping down his neck, biting when he pushes the second finger inside of him. Sho gasps, and Massu licks the bite to soothe it before continuing down to Sho’s nipples.

“You’re so beautiful.” He exhales before taking one of the sensitive buds into his mouth. Sho moaned, his fingers threading through Massu’s hair, his grip tightened as Massu teases him with his teeth. Massu lifts himself, and Sho feels the burn of a third finger working its way in. 

“How old were you when you got your belly button pierced?” Sho opens his eyes and looks at Massu’s face, his eyes are locked onto the piercing his cheeks flushed red. Massu leans back slightly using his free hand to tug lightly on it.

“Fifteen.” Sho answers, his voice turning into a whine as Massu drives his fingers in deeper. 

“Did you know that they used to be a symbol for manliness and courage? Is that why you got it? You wanted to feel _manly_?” Massu says his voice dropping an octave, a shiver runs through Sho. Sho shakes his head, he didn’t know that, that’s not why he got it, not really. He got it to piss off his parents, but deep down he knows he got it to prove something to himself. 

“I’m ready please.” Sho moves his hands to grip at Massu’s shoulders as Massu curses under his breath and pulls his fingers out, Sho leans up to kiss the underside of his jaw as Massu fumbles with the lube and then lets out a low moan as he feels him pushing in. Sho’s hand’s skate down Massu’s biceps, feeling the nicks of knives that had gotten too close, then down his ribs to feel the scar tissue of bullets that once made their home inside. Their bodies covered in both ink and scars, memories etched into them bloody and violent. Stained in a way they would never be able to wash off, but still sturdy and strong and beautiful. Sho can feel tears welling up as Massu bottomed out with a groan. 

“I love you.” Massu breathes against Sho’s mouth, kissing him softly, before moving his hips slowly out before pushing back in and a whine bubbles out of Sho at the fullness he feels. 

“I love you.” Sho returns grinding his hips against Massu trying to coax him into a faster rhythm, “I love you.”

Their bodies tell a story of healing time and time again and this time, their hearts will follow through. 

 


End file.
